is it normal to be jelous of have kids if ir a birthmom?

Someone found my blog by searching the topic that I posted and I wanted to blog about it. I am assuming they meant is it jealous to be jealous of women with kids if I am a birthmom?

My first answer is hell yes. The years between having my daughter which was placed for adoption and until 3 years later when I had my first son which I raised was crazy. I used to say a pregnant girl and feel sad. If I seen someone with a baby/toddler... I might have even given them dirty looks and there is a good chance I growled at them because I was jealous. I am just kidding about growling but it made me very sad.

My second answer is that it does get better if and when you have a child to raise. I don't mean to imply that the kept child will replace the child placed for adoption because it won't. Even if someone implies that the pain will go away. Don't listen. Baby #2 or #3 or 4 doesn't make things better.

It does make you feel less jealous because you get to experience Motherhood. You may still have a bit of jealousy over somethings especially if you lost a daughter and never grew yourself another one. I will never experience being a Mom to a daughter. Even though I am a reunited birthom and I have a step daughter.

I try really hard not to think of all the things I don't have. I am extremly lucky that I have a step daughter and step son and they accept me in their fathers life. I have Izzy in my life and I know not all birthmom's are this lucky.

I have a grand daughter born to my step daughter that I love with all my heart. She is the cutest little thing. I get to see her in the cute dresses and shoes. Once in a great while, when I can afford it, I get to buy cute girly clothes for her. I get to watch her grow listen to the cute things that come out of her mouth.

She has started to laugh when she burbs. So, she burbed and I said "excuse you" Now, she burbs and says "excuse you" When she is hungry she says cheese, yogurt and banana and has recently started saying snack.

Last week, she had already had enough snacks so papa said no and she looks at me and says nana "snack" It was so cute. I love her. Don't get me wrong. I was jealous and had a very hard time when she was born but I luckily came to love her and not see her girl things as in I am sad I didn't get to witness this. Now, I am happy because I get to see my grand daughter do this.

Being a birthmother isn't an easy road and it's good that you see that your jealous and I hope that you can work your way through that. The next time you feel jealous of a Mom and child.. think of me growling and enjoy watching the two.

I can't say where but I was helping someone look thru somethings and she came across pictures of her adopted son that died pretty young. My mind went to the birthmother who has lost two children to adoption and how one of them is dead. Wondering if she ever tried to search for her children? Wondering if she has ever thought that one of them could be dead? I am wondering if the birthmother is still alive? If the adoptive Mom is elderly and alive.. I guess there is a chance that she could still be living too. I just can't imagine not searching... I just can't imagine never knowing the outcome of my children's life... and I just can't imagine learning that my child is dead.

Question

I made personalized coffee cups for Izzy and her boyfriend and filled them with candy. Yummy!! I meant to mail them to her because I love the surprise effect of sending a gift especially if it's not a birthday or holiday. Honestly, I just got too cheap and didn't feel like any of the recent weeks were right to spend the money on shipping and too lazy to stop and mail them. Then, there is the issue of chocolate so I just can't leave them sit in the car to do on the way home from work. I never want to leave early because I spend the morning with Stephen.

My daughter and her boyfriend will be visiting and most likely she will come to Alex's gradation party and we will probably go out to dinner. Do I just give the coffee cups to them while they are here? I have never given her bf anything and don't want to cause a weird face to face meeting besides the one we already had.

Since, I am thinking about that moment, I might as well blog about it. I believe it was only the second or third time I had seen Izzy and we met at Pizza hut and shared a pizza and it was just me Izzy and her boyfriend. While it was the three of us conversation went pretty smoothly but then Izzy went to go use the bathroom.

It was the longest few minutes of my life. The boyfriend and I just kept looking at each other and felt like we should say something but neither one of us had a clue on what to say and that was about all we could say was that we didn't know what to say. I think we each let a giggle escape cause it was so odd.

What would you do? Would you give them to them while they were here? Or wait to send it to get the surprise effect from getting a gift in the mail? Do you think the chocolate will be okay? I suppose I could take the chocolate out of them and freeze them or eat them. Yummy! and get more when I know I am ready to send them.

gradation

This Friday Alex officially gradates from high school. He will have a small gradation and then cake and punch at the school. We tried to have a small party for him on Sunday but his Dad wanted to have it at the church that they attend. While, I didn't have an issue with having a party with his Dad being there and helping plan it together... I just didn't want to be it a party where we bring our own meat. He said they would be having a cookout and we would just bring our own meat. I don't know if the cook out at the church was related to my son's gradation but I wanted to feel like my husband and I had a part in planning it.

I have decided to have a party at my house Monday evening and mostly plan on having everyone hang outside. I wanted to be able to invite people and not to say you have to bring your own meat. I haven't figured out all I am planning on doing. Right now, I am debating between cheap pizzas and soda or chicken from walmart or just have some cookies or cupcakes. My son's father was was suppose to have a cake made and it was an agreement that if we paid for the cap and gown that he would get the cake.

I don't know if my son's father will even show since we have went against his idea of the party being at the church. The very good news is that Izzy is going to be in town and most likely will stop over for the party.

We often try to do include my ex husband in the children's stuff but it almost always causes more stress that I personally think it's worth. I don't mean the worth of having their father but just the stress it causes all of us trying to come to an agreement.

I keep thinking about what to have and I just am not sure. I can't afford to spend too much money and it is summer so that is an issue with storing food if it's sitting out for too long.

blaming someone else

I have read a few different blogs lately that seem to be blaming some health problems on the birthmother and the pregnancy. It's just not blogs. I know someone that lost an adoptive child to a mental illness and says you never know what you get when adopt.

Really? Do we really know what we are going to get when we have kids by birth? Shit happens. It just does and we are not always in control of it.

Now, I know that there are things that can be done to grow a healthy baby and things that can be done if your doing unhealthy things. In my area, we have two woman wanted for killing their children. One was drug related and one was she didn't feed him. It's very sad that these babies didn't get a chance at life due to their mother's hands.


I have been pregnant three times and gone into labor three times. Two out of the three pregnancies I had prenatal care and the first one I didn't. My daughter was born full term and went "home" 24 hours after birth.

My second pregnancy with prenatal care was full term and he had to spend an extra day at the hospital because he choked and turned blue. Besides, the little mess up of choking he came home and did really well with drinking his formula and all that.

My third pregnancy was full term but was the worst labor and the one where I had the most intervention. Of course, I had prenatal care. He was born and didn't cry and I feared the worst. But was revived with medical attention. I don't meant to say that he was dead but don't remember what they did to make him cry. It was probably too much pain medication. I thought he was okay but about six hours after his birth I went to get my tubal ligation and when I came out he was in the NICU.

My youngest son had tons of reactions to his formula and we changed it many times before we ended up using the easiest formula to digest. It think it was Aliumentom. I spelled that wrong. He just had horrible collic and made up for not crying at birth.

My son is on the autism spectrum, add and had lots of sensory issues and he has over came quite a few of them thru therapy. As much as I have banged my head on the wall wondering if there was something I did or didn't do.

This post isn't geared toward any certain blogger. It's been on my mind for a while. I respect that bloggers are not always sharing the bigger picture with what they know about the birthmother's pregnanies or the unknown stuff making your mind wonder when the baby you adopted turns out to not be perfect but they are perfect because you love them right?

I often wonder if dreaming up that the birthmother is responsible is an way to kick her to the curb? Or is some of it resulting from jealousy that you didn't get to grow the baby and if there are problems then it must be someones fault right? It could be but chances are that it could be that life just throws us a couple lemons and it's up to us to make lemonade.

Whisper my secret by JB Rowley

Has anyone read this book? I stole my son's kindle and been getting free kindle books but this is the first one that I paid for. This is a true story. It's very sad but it's also a sweet love story. This story is written during the war days and for the record it is adoption related. I don't want to say too much so I won't spoil the story for those who want to read it. Just for the record.. I might try to blog about it further so if you see my post on it again and haven't read it then cover your eyes.

You can visit the authors blog here.

am I nuts or him?

I learned that on my childrens two day visit with their Dad that they spent one night with the neighbor. She has expressed way too much interest in my son and calls him nephew which makes me sick. I don't know her but I just feel like its wrong for my sons to sleep over at her place. I just ticked off my ex because I tried to talk to him about it. I asked is she going to die trying to save them? Is she going to be aware if my son sleeps walks? My ex tells me I should invite her to lunch and talk to her about my concerns. Hello?? He only has them 4 days out a month. Is it asking too much that he keeps them? It's hot isn't a good enough excuse. I don't want to turn my ac on yet so I will just send my kids to the neighbor. I don't think so. If it's a serious enough problem then the children could just stay home but being hot isn't it.
I am the Mom and I should be the best judge on what my son should be doing and going. He has never done a sleepover. The closest he has came is sleepaway camp and tomorrow he has a lock in at school. Am I right in fact that these things are quite different than just staying with the neighbor. This is the same neighbor that my ex admitted that Alex would go hang out and fall asleep and not come home. What responsabile person is going to let the teen fall asleep and stay asleep and what responsible dad goes to sleep and not knowing that the kid is in safe??? Sorry for venting.