Yesterday, about 4 pm, Izzy sent me a text and said she couldn't make it. She wouldn't arrive back in town in time.

I knew from her post on fb that she had been shopping with her Mom, brother and one or two other people.

I suggested she could stop by late but she insisted that she wouldn't make it in time and had texted Alex and he was okay with it and we could get lunch or dinner within the week. This resulted in me having a mini breakdown and made me feel second best.

It was all a joke and my son heard all the fussing and fighting and told me it was a surprise. Then, eventually, Izzy wrote me and said "they hauled ass" and would be there but late.

I will write more about it soon about how this shook me up so bad. I like to say that I am/was at a much better place with adoption loss/ reunion ups and downs but this event reminded me how fragile I really am and it doesn't take much to crack me.

The party went well. My daughter tried to play a joke on me which resulted in me having a mini meltdown and my husband quickly ended up fighting over it. I will blog about it in a day or so.

I been having this feeling that Izzy won't show tonight for Alex's party. She said she would come and sort of even asked if she was invited when I wrote on facebook about the party before she even headed this way home. I am going to feel like digging myself a hole in the ground and hiding my head if she doesn't come.

She posted on facebook about how they are going to on a road trip with her Mom. It's the second best feeling of creeping in wondering if she has time for this other family of hers.

Graduation day

I forgot to post about my birthday. It was the 30th of May. I had a pretty good day between working and going to the Y and going to dinner. I thought the coolest part was that a couple days before my birthday I had said to myself wouldn't it be cool if Pam called me on my birthday.

Pam is a dear friend. She used to be my math teacher at the same school my son graduated from. I reconnected with her shortly after she had a retirement party. It took me a year or so to look her up when she said look me up. I thought to look her up but show weakness and I didn't want to appear weak.

I love Pam. Right before my daughter moved away I asked if I could come visit her and said I had something for her. It was my daughter. It was great.

Well, anyways, I said to myself wouldn't it be wonderful if Pam called me on my birthday. I didn't even know if Pam knew my birthday. Pam and I don't talk really often and honestly I do more of the calling and she does the hosting of our visits once or twice a year. She called me!! Not only did she call me but she was the first person to call me on my birthday.

I am extremely lucky to know her and have her in my life.

Graduation 2012

My son is officially an high school graduate of 2012. The graduation was nice and he had a little of each side of his family to celebrate with him. The school is located in a church and both mine and my sister's cameras took crappy pictures so we didn't get many pictures at all during the ceremony.

This one was taken outside our house with my camera on my phone. I will post one later with me with him. It wasn't the ideal graduation but it is what it is. How he got his diploma I guess doesn't really matter. It's what he chooses to do with his life that does matter.

Someone put in "should I kick my daughter out if she gets pregnant? Sure go ahead and kick her out and let her live on the street when she is growing your grandchild. I am sure you won't mind that she may grow to resent you for a very long time. Can you risk that even if she survives and manages on her own that she might not come around with your grand child? Can you live with your guilt if she gets sucked in by an agency or lawyer trying to pay her expensive for an adoption plan?

Instead of kicking her out be there for her. Maybe, if you have reason to believe she is risking a pregnancy you can help make sure she knows how to prevent it? Trust me.. support her and your relationship has a much better chance than if you toss her out or force an adoption plan/sceme on her.

No offence to the birthmom's who go into it getting informed and came to the decision on adoption on their own.