Friday, November 21, 2014

Alex's birthday

Today is my oldest son's 20th birthday!! 20 years ago, my life changed for the good when I got to finally bring a baby home.. but it also was a reminder of what I mised with Izzy.

Just for the record.. I did text her.. I had two numbers and it appears I was texting an old number but that doesn't change the fact that all communication is mostly one way. But that's not what this post is going to be about.

It's about Alex and of course will be adoption and reunion related.

Truth is that I don't have tons of contact with Alex. He is horrible keeping a phone so sometimes it's hard to contact him. Plus, I admit, I think I have that little issue my Mom has and just forgets to pick up the phone.. mean to pick up the phone, want to pick up the phone but forget.. or don't know what is the best time to pick up the phone. but at the moment alex doesn't have a phone.

So unless he borrows a phone all our contact is facebook besides when we get together. He lives close to an hour away so it's not easy to go see him.. but every few months I would guess I go see him or bring him home.

I am bringing him home on Sunday to take him to a movie and dinner for his birthday so that should be fun.

The reason why I am writing this cause not too long ago my husband brought up that it's not much different between Izzy and Alex. "Alex doesn't always contact or text me" so yea that is true. but here is the difference. I know where I stand with Alex. I know that I am his Mom. I know he loves and cares about me. I can feel it. I know that while we may not talk often or get together real often but we will talk and get together.

When it comes to Izzy. I am not her Mom. I am her birthmother. We don't have shared history. There are 15 years apart in our ages. We have some in common but not tons. I don't know that Izzy loves me. I don't feel it. Sure. When she see's me she hugs me. I don't know if and when I will see Izzy. I don't want to beg for visits. I think I am done begging and while it sucks I think I can live thru it. I am worth so much more. I don't need to have someone in my life if it takes begging. I can't believe I even wrote that.

So that pretty much wraps up how on the outside Alex's and mine relationship maybe be simliar but very different.

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