Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Alex spent a couple days with us for his brother's birthday! He has come home for a few days a few times since he moved out. I enjoy the short visits and it's always nice to see him. However, a couple things do bother me a bit.

I almost always have to get him and pick him up and eat the cost of the gas.. the getting loss factor is / was more of an issue of the money but also sometimes a time thing. I bought myself a gps because I don't want a fear factor of getting lost keeping me from seeing Alex when he is less than an hour away.

The other issue is that Alex never comes with any money to spend. It kind of limits us to what we can or can't do if he can't pay his own way to say the movies or out to dinner. I am talking so broke he doesn't have money for a soda. We really don't buy Stephen soda so buying Alex soda for our house could cause some trouble.

I did ask him the day I was getting him to bring a few bucks to chip in for dinner cause we were going out. He said he would try but mentioned he had been broke. He brought ten bucks and I felt bad and gave him half of it back and later on left him a few bucks so in reality I didn't keep any of his money.

This is an issue we don't know how to handle. Do we say when you come make sure you bring some cash ect? I told my husband I thought of telling Alex that he my husband said that Alex just might not have any spare cash really to bring.. he pays rent where he stays. I would never want my son to think he can't visit based on the inabilty to have a few bucks in his pocket. But depending on what I might or might not want to suggest it could cause a damper on paying for him.

In most cases, if I have it to spare I would pay anyways.. It's how my Mother treats me to dinner ect and even paid for me when we were on vacation together but the difference was I did offer and oould pay for myself.

This situation has really got me thinking about how I should proceed with gift giving ect.. so many times my heart tells me to send Izzy's Mom flowers for Mother's day or send Izzy a little something just for the hell of it. For the record, I haven't actually sent Izzy's Mom flowers and only once sent Izzy a gift other than Christmas and her birthday. But that fact that I am considering sending to them makes me really have to do some serious thinking.

If I have spare money I should be considering the needs of my sons! I hope that doesn't sound bad but I should look deeply and see if there is anything my kids need and go from there. I been throwing around of the idea of just out of the blue sending Alex a few bucks.

It's not that I don't want to give Izzy a little extra gift once in a great while or even reach out to her Mom but I do think maybe I should at times help Alex out.

I just don't know if that would insult Alex to suddenly get a surprise with money or keep him poor because I am filling a need he isn't. But then again... i don't see myself sending a lot of money or all that often.


Leah said...

Just to give you another perspective. . . I'm 34 years old, and when I go home to see my parents, they still pay for everything. It's their honor and treat to do so. When I was 18 to about 25, I was so broke, that they would give me cash when I did visit, and always pay for the expenses to get there. Just because a child turns 18, I don't think there is a rule that you can't help out anymore. Most 18 year olds do not have the ability to live on their own yet. I know I sure didn't! And even in my 30's, my parents give me handouts because it makes them feel good.

I think if you bring up the money thing to him, he just won't want to visit at all. Part of being a parent is to help financially so your children end up in a better financial spot than you.

Just my two cents, for what it's worth. :)

Lauren said...

My mom has sent me money before when times were tough. It was such a blessing to me even if it wasn't a lot of money. It showed me that I wasn't alone.

kalibug said...

That's a really hard decision. I honestly wouldnt know how to handle it. I would just go with your gut at the time that money comes up.

birthmothertalks said...

Thanks everyone for the advice. My Mom does the same thing when we go places she always pays for me but I wouldnt probably show up to eat with no money... again he doesn't come asking to go out either. I won't request he bring money. I wouldn't want him to avoid visiting for that reason.