What's up with me??

I can't believe it's been so long since I updated this blog. I enjoy writing and totally miss it. There has been a lot of changes going one little problem with blogging is that I don't have internet at home anymore.. I am finding that overall I don't miss it much. It's something I will want again sometime when I can afford it but for right now I am content with what I have.

Some changes in my life I am just not ready to speak of yet so I will leave that for another day.

Maybe you recall that my husband and I were planning a divorce coming up and he was going to leave in April.

Well, things got so ugly at my house and I know I am not an innocent party in that he decided to move sooner. He has been gone since Jan 16th and our divorce was final on the 19th. It's a huge relief to get that part of my life over with..

It was up in the air if we would part as friends but some recent events has made me want to cut him out of my life all the way. I will be turning off my normal facebook account and a friend is helping set up a private one for me.. Even though I won't accept a friend invite he still tags me in posts and seems to be following my where abouts.

Another huge thing going on is that my son has not been allowed to see his daughter. It really tugs at me heart. He moved in to my house late October and just about a month ago got a part time job. I don't believe he is trying to pay child support to her.. However, there is a court date coming up next month for support so I am hoping some visitation rights will also be be set up.

My relationship with my daughter is still just not what I wish it to be.. she did however finally give me her phone number after I told her I was getting rid of facebook which is mostly our only contact besides the occasional visit when she is in town.. I only get that if I ask for it. If I choose to let her come to me then it just doesn't happen.

I am still working full time. I am doing the best I can with making ends meet.. I am probably doing much better that expected. The only issue is that I have zero money for the unexpected.

I had to share half of my tax refund so luckily I got that in time to get my house payment paid after paying for a car repair. My goal is to start saving whatever I can so I don't have major problems.

Sorry it's been so long since I wrote and hope to update sooner.

Grand baby

My grand daughter was born late July. I was actually at another hospital going to my first appointment with a specialist for my iron deficiency problem. They got me started right away on iron infusion treatments. The baby was born before I get to the hospital. So I did get to go up there and visit with my son, the new Mom and my new grand daughter.





She was so tiny! So beautiful! Amazing! She looks so much like my son.

My husband and I are still on course for breaking up. It's a bit weird knowing the end is coming but not until April.. Almost like a ticking bomb going off just waiting for the life style change to happen.. tick, tick, tick.. We have our good days where we are okay with each other and at peace with our decision.. then there is the bad days where he may say that he feels like he has to walk on egg shells around me. I don't mean to be sensitive but these days I just feel like the things coming out of his mouth are slight digs. I may just be over thinking and taking everything as an attack when it's not. We both are tending to question the others plans on how it will or will not work out in the end.

His big dream is to take a really long bike ride. He plans to ride to Seattle Washington where is daughter lives and then try to stay places where it's warm. He plans on blogging about his experience as he travels down the road.. If you don't mind please check out his blog. Go HERE Follow it if you think you maybe interested in following him on his trip.

Today, was my daughter's 24th birthday.. Birthdays have never been easy. It's much better than what it used to be.. but it's still like a dark cloud surrounding her birthday. I have never had birthday cake with my daughter on her birthday or cake in general.. I have given gifts but never seen her open gifts on her birthday. I have celebrated her birthday over meals.. howwever, our relationship just isn't what I would hope it to be.. I get little snip bits of information of her life thru facebook and if I am lucky see her once a year.. We tend to have one good visit.. one bad visit.. or maybe it's just how I see things. I notice a rift around her last birthday. Not sure what caused it or if it's all in my head. Last year, for the first time, I didn't send flowers to her on her birthday. Not sure if that bothered her or not. This year I didn't send flowers again but I gave her a nice plant in person.

My husband made a cake today for her birthday. I feel odd admitting we ate birthday cake on her birthday without her. I admit I ate way too much cake.


I am not extremely sad about her birthday. I have to accept things as they are right now. Maybe someday in the future it will be different for us.

birthday visit

To read about my visit with Izzy to celebrate her upcoming birthday head over to my private blog.

Baby shower

I am so behind on blogging. The baby shower went really well. We had a great turn out and they got lot of gifts.. We did a lot of the typical baby shower games and had a lot of laughs over the games.. we all oohed and awwed over the gifts. I will spare you all the little details. Here is a couple pictures from the fun day.

Calling it quits

My life has taken a sudden turn of events. I have decided to call it quits on my life with my husband. It's been a rough couple weeks because even though I want this marriage to end I feel sad that it came to this. My husband has plans to ride off on his bike.. you can read more about his plans here.

We can't split up until April. I am not happy about it. I just feel like this time is going to be weird and odd to act married and together knowing we are breaking up/ broke up.