160!!!!

160 followers!!! Yay!!! The numbers slowly go up. That's quite a bit for a birtmother's blog. Sometimes, I run out of things to write about. Is there any questions or topics anyone wants to be tackle? I would be glad to try my best to answer any questions that anyone should have.

My daughter brought me pictures from when she was a baby up until about seven or so. Also, her senior year pictures.

Words can't explain how it feels to look at pictures of my daughter and how much her little girl pictures looked like mine as a young child. How can a Mom ever get over looking at pictures of her child and she doesn't know the child. From what I can tell the child in Izzy looked happy. I got to see some pictures of her around the time her parents had a child of their own. (biologically)

I cried some last night over my loss of Izzy for the first time in well over a year. I can never get that back. I cried over my daughter's parents lack of ability to accept me in their life for the first time since I have made contact on my own. I wish I could have seen pictures of Izzy growing up but wonder if it would be the same thing. Looking into the eyes of a stranger that is my child and not knowing her. Not being able to hold her.

My daughter is moving away for school. She brought me her fish since she isn't taking them on a 20 hour drive with them. How ironic that the first time my daughter was actually in my house is the last time I will see her for a while. It's not suppose to be like that.

I am going to miss her so much. I am proud of her for taking this challenge in life but wished she wasn't so eager to move away.

Merry Christmas to all my readers. May your holiday season be warm and cozy. I hope all my birthparents readers find some happiness even if they are missing their child. I hope all the couples who are sad because they're strongest wish to become parents enjoy the despite they are without children. For my adoptee readers, I wish that you have a very nice time with family. If your in reunion, I dream of parents that can put the children first and put their feelings on the shelf. If your not in reunion and that's your desire is to be.. I hope this is the last Christmas season wishing for reunion.

Christmas shopping

I spent the day with my friend Rachel and we did all of our shopping in one general area. My main goals of the day was to use the toysr@us gift card that I had gotten with buying a gift for my son. I planned on using it to buy something for my granddaughter.

My other goal was to look around for anything else small like candy that I could put in Izzy's Christmas basket. Also, anything that could go in my sons' stockings. I found a candy cane with chocolate and a key chain with Izzy's real name on it.

My last thing to do was to get my little sister a gift and get wrapping paper.

For my granddaughter, I had in mind to get her a Mr or Mrs. Potato head suitcase full of different pieces for her to change. I remember how much fun I had playing with my son with the potato head guy. I only had 25 on the gift card but when I seen the case was 20 bucks I was disappointed cause I wanted to get her a doll too.

Being the type of person that I am... I decided that it's only money and Christmas only comes around once a year and she is getting a doll from Grandma. I picked her out a doll that also sold clothes for it. So, her doll... will need a change of clothes, right? I really would have loved to buy my daughter dolls and barbies but I missed my chance.

I am not going to miss it with my granddaughter.

I did create an very cool pillow for Izzy and she had a basket full of girly items. You can see the picture on my private blog. I have a moment of sadness over not having those early years of dolls but I am overly joyed that I know my daughter and she has accepted me in her life. She hasn't not gotten a Christmas or birthday present since I have had contact with her. It's possible that I enjoy choosing and buying the gifts more than she does receiving them. I have never been given a gift from my daughter. In a small way, it has made me sad. It's not that I need things but just the thought that I am important enough to try to find something special for that person. What I really wish for is a collection of photos from her when she was younger. She has mentioned that her parents didn't take that many pictures of her. How ironic is that the thing I craved the most (besides real contact) was pictures and they didn't take them. Could it have been a subconscious thing to not take them? Who knows.

question

I posted a question over on my private blog. I like to hear what others think so if your up to it.. go check out my other blog and tell me what you think.

Pretty

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Pretty.

Thank you for using Picture and Video Messaging by U.S. Cellular. See www.uscellular.com for info.