weekend

My son Stephen has gone about a month without a major meltdown. This is huge. His father was suppose to be home from driving truck to surprise him but ended up getting another load. Good thing it was a "surprise" He doesn't know anything different.
I am going to be really curious of Stephen throws a huge fit after this weekend.

He is getting dropped at the Church Sunday early due to the one I babysit for having Thanksgiving lunch. So, hopefully, things will go smoother as he will have a little bit of downtime before we ask him to do his homework and become the mean ones again.

However, we had to let Alex know about the surprise cause no way would he be willing to go with his stepmother for the weekend if Dad wasn't home. So we told Alex about the surpise and had to undo the damage.

My ex told me thanks for understanding. I think he is telling the wrong person. It doesn't matter how I feel. It matters how his children feels.

It's unlikely he will be home for Alex's 18th birthday. I don't know if this new job is worth the money. I have yet to go back to court for back support or to raise the child support. He is still in training mode so I thought I would wait it out.

I am not sure how long I can afford to wait it out though because we are pretty sure my current husband's unemployment has just ran out. Well, I am sure. He is in denial.

Alex is hanging around home more now that he hasn't gotten a job. He has a girlfriend and she has been spending most evenings here. She has been eating meals with us or snacking on food. My husband informed me that she ate 2 bananas and an apple today.

I really like her and not sure what to make of me feeding another person. We wonder if someone else is feeding my son on the days he isn't home. However. without a job that's not too far off anymore. Except he isn't always home for dinner. I know a lot of people disagree with my opionion that sooner or later if he continues to waste his dinner that I would learn how to cook for 3 again on some nights.

My husband has talked to my son about birth control ect. I don't know if they are having sex but I can't live in denial that they might be. My husband seemed to think it hit home with my son when he told him that your Mom and Dad were expecting you at this age now.

Thinking about my son getting a girl pregnant and having a baby is a scary thought. I wonder if this is those ah ha moments that Mom's start seeing things thru our parents eyes. I wonder what I would do if my son and her had a baby and didn't have the means to support it?

Would I have the means to support it? If I am wondering if I can afford to feed the girl an apple and two bananas a day.. will I be able to take care of her baby?

Scary thoughts. Not saying I agree with my Mom but it is scary. I think I would do everthing in my power to help but not sure if it could be enough.

In six days, my son is going to be a legal adult. All my parents children except one left before or right at the age of 18. If he doesn't move out and I don't see it happening this is going to be new for me.

I don't mind my son staying on but he needs a job so he can take care of himself and feed his own girl her fruit. She is really polite and cute and I do like her. She eats like a little mouse so it's not too bad. I don't have the heart to tell a child.she can't eat.

My job has been stressful this week. My clients memories are getting worse and the repective questions are more and more. They also say and do funny things and drive me batty. Holidays make things worse for them.

Good news is that I am getting a review on Tuedays so I will probably get a little raise. I hope the .17 cents go a long way. haha

Speaking of work. I am going to actually get some time off on Thanksgiving so that's cool.

KCC

I have volunteered for Kids Crisis Center five times now. I probably won't be blogging about specific children much because for the most part I have seen different children. They do have regular customers that need help but I am there once a week for three hours so I don't always catch the same kids.

This place is the same as the adoption agency that gave me free counseling. I have came out of the closet on why my heart is in volunteering with children and I tried to tell them the name of the counslors but I drew a blank and couldn't remember either of the two women that I had seen.

Of course later I remembered both of their names. So in a way, my volunteering is paying back for all the free counseling.

While I am there I am doing quite more than I ever did with MELD. It's such a different kind of place. It's a home so I have played, cooked and cleaned. I have even filed paperwork for them.

I love how I can choose my hours and days and it feels less demanding than the other volunteering I did. Besides the fall out with ME%LD. This nursery just fits in with my hectic life better. Also maybe it's cause I am still new to it but I don't feel like they have lost the point of what they are doing.

lifetime

For the last two Fridays I have caught this show on lifetime that is about teens leading down a wrong path of drugs, drinking and stealing ect.

Basically it's an intervention where this guy comes in and tries to work with the family.

First week, it was an adopted 16 year old girl with drug addiction. It so happens that the man that is doing the show was left at a hospital and grew up in foster case and was abused.

The show last night was a 17 year old boy that was adopted from another country at the age of five. He was smoking pot and stealing. Basically made the whole family not want him around.

The family was counting down the days until they could kick him out at 18 years of age. The Dad even admitted to showing dog poop in the boy's face and said he would do it again if needed.
The father had never told his child that he loves him in all the years that they had him.
They even went as far as to tell him that they wished they didn't adopt him.

Both children form these shows had abandonment and rejection issues. The first story the guy felt so strongly that he found her birthmom and they reunited. She learned that she had addiction problems on her side and the side of her biological father's side.

Both children seemed to come to some kind of wanting to change mode and both went off to somewhere to get treatment and to work thur their issues.

The past that struck me as shocking is that they said that 50% of all adoptive children end up homeless. 50% really? I would like to know where they get their numbers from. Also, do the math, 50% of all children raised with their orginal parents are homeless!!

Is this a tragic story of adoption or are today's youth just jacked up?? At what point if a child ends up homeless as an adult is it no longer the fault of the parents or the upbringing?

My son Alex is driving me nuts and so far not job searching that we can tell. Do I really have the guts to throw him out after he turns 18? At what point if he continues to "party" and try to come in at all hours of the night is his homeless state no longer my fault?

I am not implying that I have plans to kick my son out but I feel like when he is acting all big shot "like a grown up" he should be able to take care of himself "like a grownup"

How far do I let my family go down the tubes emotionally and financially for someone who isn't pulling their weight with help of money or even chores.

Done venting!!

I wonder if this show is going to show an adopted child with each episode. In a way, I think it's cool. It shows that adoption isn't always rainbows and sunshine. Also, that adoptive parents are not always gold.

However, to be fair, I think they should show families having issues that were born into the family.

Has anyone else seen the show I am talking about? If so. What did you think about it?

I have yet to buy brand new clothes for myself. I deceided that if tomorrow the scale shows a 2 lb loss making my total loss on my ticker to 39 lbs I am going to buy at least one pair of those size 14 jeans. Wish me luck.

Update: My side thing on weight loss says 39 lbs lost but I am really at 38.5 lbs so I didn't make the goal.

As much as I want the jeans I am still excited to see the loss. I only aim for 1 lb a week but have been trying to eat cleaner and workout more often. I have slowed down on zumba at the YMCA and added walking on most days that I don't do zumba.

I am glad that I am not stalled or going backwards. We have had a while without the meltdowns and it came to me that me slowing down at the Y is another thing that has changed with our family.

The others are that Stepeh didn't go to his Dad's to see the stepmom.
He has had candy everyday but not much and honestly the candy he was given was crappy.
His counslor is away on vacation cause she got married.

I don't know if one of these is the cause of the meltdowns going away or nothing related to it. I will take it though.

Growing up

In two weeks, I will be the Mom to grown up. This is new to me even though I do have an adult child. I am having a hard time wrapping my finger and heart around the idea that at the 18th birthday I lose all legal rights to my son.

Not only do I lose legal rights to him I no longer will be financially responsible for him. I don't have to house him, clothe him or feed him. This doesn't mean that my son will be asked to move out or start feeding himself after his birthday.

He lost his job and he has been told that we can't afford to support him and he must find a new job. One example my husband gave him was on the theory if we gave him 5 dollars a week to eat and how much that is monthly. Kind of late here but I believe that is 140 dollars a month and of course I can't feed a 6 foot 4 inches 200 lb man on five dollars a day.

Another thing we did is that my husband took him to the dollar store and they bought him personal care items and it's been told that he needs to start buying these things.

He has been having his girlfriend over quite a bit and tonight she ate with us. I didn't have enough to feed her so I left in a hurry after only eating half what I would have ate and acted like I was running late to get my friend for aqua zumba. Truth was that I didn't have it in me to serve her half as everyone else was getting.

Speaking of money. I got my first week of child support since my husband changed jobs. For some reason they only took half and sent me 50 dollars. He gets paid weekly now. 50 dollars really shows how little he pays. It's like he pays 25 a week for each kid. I blogged about not being able to feed my kid on five a day.

Child support for Alex will stop when he is 18 but not sure if that requires a court date or not.

Sorry for jumping all over but the whole girlfriend thing.. do I just deal with feeding her since when I was dating their Dad.. his Mom fed me too?

Basically he would give me half of his dinner but he was eating two servings of pork ect. Whatever it was that they ate. I don't overly feed my son don't think cutting his portion in half will work. Is this like payback?

follow up post

I wanted to touch base a little more on this post here.

I call Izzy my daughter and no one can take that away or change my mind. I will refer to Izzy as my sons' sister not birthsister or half. If people can adopt children and their children be whole sisters/brothers then half doesn't belong in the description.

What I want to touch base with is that even though I call Izzy my daughter I respect tht I am not her Mom and she has a Mom that was there for her and will continue to be Mom.

I don't expect the Mother's day card addressed to Mom or birthday cards addressed to Mom. I would love it and would feel honored if Izzy choose to call me Mom or one of her Mother's.

I do have to accept my place in her life and that is her birthmom.

Izzy is my daughter but I am not her Mother.

I know my husband feels a little different and I understand why he feels the way he does. At times he gets upset with me cause I don't like to talk about it. It often ends up feeling like a debate and I am not up for a debate about my right or non right to call Izzy my daughter.

I started trying to lose weight in February. A blogger had wrote about myfitnesspal and since I just recently gotten a new phone I checked out the ap.

When I first started logging my food I thought it was kind of fun. Now, I find it a bit of a chore but keeps me in check with my food intake.

Every time the scale moves I am impressed that I pulled it off. I am 13 lbs away from a 50 lb weight loss goal.

It was with diet and exercise. I know some people blame not having time for an excuse to workout but if I can find time with working full time and being a Mom then I think a majority of the people who say they don't have time actually do if they tried to make it. I do believe that some people say that and it's just the truth. They don't have any time.

Today, I had to return something to Walmart and since my size 16's are loose I decided to try the next size down.

I picked out two size 14's and they fit!! I was amazed and shocked!! Me in a size 14? I don't recall ever owning a size 14. I wish I could have bought the jeans but my husband forgot to give me my debit card back from a soda run and I really can't afford to buy them.

I did the best thing and took a shot of me wearing one of the jeans.

I almost started to cry on the way home. I am not sure if it's the fact that I fit in them or that I had to leave them there.

One little neat thing about this weight loss journey is that Izzy is doing the same thing. We are both 37 pounds down and she said that my picture inspired her.