I read an very interesting story of a man who later in life found out somethings about his past that he just didn't know. It's not the common theme of baby being given up for adoption and then a search and reunion.
I would tell you all about it but then if you wanted to read it. I would spoil it for you.
It's called Elenor's Rebellion A Mother and her son's secret by David Siff. At times, I found the book a little boring but I stuck with it and I am glad that I did.
Monday, December 6, 2010
marriage sucess
My husband and I used to fight really bad. I didn't think we had a future together. Our marriage was spinning out of control. If we divorced it would be a second divorce on both of our parts. I had just about given up hope and wanted out, but my husband wasn't willing to go. I don't know if it was because he still had hope or because he was stubborn and wasn't going to leave the house or my son who we raise together.
We used to fight about money. We fought about children. We fought about adoption. Adoption was probably the number one thing that caused me the greatest pain. I felt as if he didn't understand me and wasn't on my side. I felt like he was rejecting my daughter before I even found her.
It hasn't been an easy marriage. However, our life has really turned around. He quit drinking about a year and half ago. Slowly, he has became a different man. Well, not totally different but more responsible and has been able to tone some of his thoughts down. Adoption still can be a touchy subject for us. Sometimes, he wants to debate it. I can only do that for a few minutes and then basically, I feel like I am right and just don't want to talk about it. It's hard to be logical when emotions are involved.
He used to give me a hard time about my daughter's scrapbook. I don't know why. There were moments where I slept with it by my side. I was afraid he would destroy it. It's not as if he ever said he would. It was just my fear. He has really changed. He actually helped me flatten some flowers in a book because I wanted to use them for the scrapbook. I joke about if something like a fire happens save the scrapbook and while it may seem like a joke. I really mean it. Don't let it burn. It would be a great loss if something destroyed it. My husband is really getting how important it is to me. He suggested that I pay for someone to scan the book and make it into a digital form. It's a wonderful idea. If I do that. I can always have the book. I am so attached to it that I been afraid that I won't be able to give it to my daughter.
My husband is a grandfather. Babygirl is 10 months old. She is so adorable. So, my marriage, I am a grandmother too. I have been helping out her Mom and Dad by babysitting for her the last few weeks. I really love it. She is fun to be around and I love dressing her in pretty girly clothes. It's fun to go buy her something and change her into it.
My husband continues to try to connect with my older son. It's not easy getting along with a teen. I am very happy with how things are going between them. I just wish I could get my sons to stop fighting with each other. I guess I can't have it all.
I am in a reunion with my daughter. It's a dream come true. My husband has been pretty supportive of this.
I know he probably doesn't take the time to read this but if you do check in. I am crazy in love with you!!!! You make me feel special. I am so happy that you didn't walk when I was pushing you away. You are so good to me.
We used to fight about money. We fought about children. We fought about adoption. Adoption was probably the number one thing that caused me the greatest pain. I felt as if he didn't understand me and wasn't on my side. I felt like he was rejecting my daughter before I even found her.
It hasn't been an easy marriage. However, our life has really turned around. He quit drinking about a year and half ago. Slowly, he has became a different man. Well, not totally different but more responsible and has been able to tone some of his thoughts down. Adoption still can be a touchy subject for us. Sometimes, he wants to debate it. I can only do that for a few minutes and then basically, I feel like I am right and just don't want to talk about it. It's hard to be logical when emotions are involved.
He used to give me a hard time about my daughter's scrapbook. I don't know why. There were moments where I slept with it by my side. I was afraid he would destroy it. It's not as if he ever said he would. It was just my fear. He has really changed. He actually helped me flatten some flowers in a book because I wanted to use them for the scrapbook. I joke about if something like a fire happens save the scrapbook and while it may seem like a joke. I really mean it. Don't let it burn. It would be a great loss if something destroyed it. My husband is really getting how important it is to me. He suggested that I pay for someone to scan the book and make it into a digital form. It's a wonderful idea. If I do that. I can always have the book. I am so attached to it that I been afraid that I won't be able to give it to my daughter.
My husband is a grandfather. Babygirl is 10 months old. She is so adorable. So, my marriage, I am a grandmother too. I have been helping out her Mom and Dad by babysitting for her the last few weeks. I really love it. She is fun to be around and I love dressing her in pretty girly clothes. It's fun to go buy her something and change her into it.
My husband continues to try to connect with my older son. It's not easy getting along with a teen. I am very happy with how things are going between them. I just wish I could get my sons to stop fighting with each other. I guess I can't have it all.
I am in a reunion with my daughter. It's a dream come true. My husband has been pretty supportive of this.
I know he probably doesn't take the time to read this but if you do check in. I am crazy in love with you!!!! You make me feel special. I am so happy that you didn't walk when I was pushing you away. You are so good to me.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Dear Izzy
Your so beautiful. I can't express that enough. You have beautiful eyes and hair. You have a bright smile. You have a twisted sense of humor like me. Your a sweet girl. I don't know if you can fully understand how much that I love you. I am crazy about you. There are no words to describe my love for you.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
fuzzy feelings
The Meld video gave me all kinds of warm fuzzy feelings. If you haven't watched it yet. Go do if you would like. It says things better than I can say them.
Like I said, in a few posts down that sometimes I think expectant Mom's facing pregnancies that were not planned for have to high of expectations. I think some of them scream low self esteem. They want someone better than them. Someone that appears to have the perfect life and guess what? No one has the perfect life. Not even adoptive parents do.
I like the video because it shows the support that is given when it's not been given in the home life. They give them the encouragement that you can do this. No goals are too big. I hear the girls talking about how they want the best for their child. I think young Mom's and Dad's can be what is best for their child. They can do things to better themselves even while they are raising their child. Will it always be easy? No. But look at those sweet children and tell me that it's not worth it? I personally know they are worth it. Young Mom's doesn't have to mean adoption.
I am not trying to be anti adoption. I am just speaking from my heart. Having a child young does make you grow up. You can't change that. Even if your child is placed for adoption you still grow up fast. I think quite a few birthmother's are married within a couple years of making an adoption plan for their child. I don't know all the reasons for this but I can say for myself that you just don't feel like a kid anymore. Suddenly, hanging with friends doing stupid crap isn't so appealing.
So, I guess what I am trying to say You can be your baby's Mommy. You are good enough. Sure, there will be struggles but who doesn't. Even adoptive parents struggle with their newborn babies because being a Mom is hard. But it's worth it. You can do it.
I am so proud of the Mom's that been coming into group. I am watching their children grow and watching them grow. I am all for them.
Like I said, in a few posts down that sometimes I think expectant Mom's facing pregnancies that were not planned for have to high of expectations. I think some of them scream low self esteem. They want someone better than them. Someone that appears to have the perfect life and guess what? No one has the perfect life. Not even adoptive parents do.
I like the video because it shows the support that is given when it's not been given in the home life. They give them the encouragement that you can do this. No goals are too big. I hear the girls talking about how they want the best for their child. I think young Mom's and Dad's can be what is best for their child. They can do things to better themselves even while they are raising their child. Will it always be easy? No. But look at those sweet children and tell me that it's not worth it? I personally know they are worth it. Young Mom's doesn't have to mean adoption.
I am not trying to be anti adoption. I am just speaking from my heart. Having a child young does make you grow up. You can't change that. Even if your child is placed for adoption you still grow up fast. I think quite a few birthmother's are married within a couple years of making an adoption plan for their child. I don't know all the reasons for this but I can say for myself that you just don't feel like a kid anymore. Suddenly, hanging with friends doing stupid crap isn't so appealing.
So, I guess what I am trying to say You can be your baby's Mommy. You are good enough. Sure, there will be struggles but who doesn't. Even adoptive parents struggle with their newborn babies because being a Mom is hard. But it's worth it. You can do it.
I am so proud of the Mom's that been coming into group. I am watching their children grow and watching them grow. I am all for them.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Sometimes, when I read the birthparents blogs that are pretty new at being a birthmom and they list their reasons for choosing adoption for their child. I think I am 34 years old and I don't even meet the requirements to raise their child. I have the two parent household but my household needs both of us to work.
Sometimes, through the years, we were lucky and work different shifts but also really lucky that we had a Grandma near by who would babysit for us. My youngest son is ten years old and while some people leave their ten year olds home alone. I won't do it.
My husband works days and I work mostly second shift and once a week 3rd shift. My son spends a little time a couple times a week at my husband's job. We make it work.
I am pretty sure my daughter's adoptive Mother worked outside of the home. I think it's a reality of the times we are living in. I know I have witnessed other adoptive Mom's dreading having to work but do it because they need the income.
Are people just too immature to see that their expectations might be too high? Are there any adoptive parents that had to decline a birthmother because she expected the stay at home Mom and it wasn't possible for you? Maybe, immature isn't the right word. People haven't lived life yet. Is it possible that they have a dream and the reality is that most people don't get it that good. Does it make you less of a parent if your a working Mom?
And to the birthparents, circumstances change all the time. If you choose adoption because you firmly believe that you want your child not to be with babysitters how will that make you feel if the adoptive parents for one reason another need to have both parents working?
I am throwing this stuff out there because if anyone considering adoption come here, I would want them to ask themselves these questions.
Sometimes, through the years, we were lucky and work different shifts but also really lucky that we had a Grandma near by who would babysit for us. My youngest son is ten years old and while some people leave their ten year olds home alone. I won't do it.
My husband works days and I work mostly second shift and once a week 3rd shift. My son spends a little time a couple times a week at my husband's job. We make it work.
I am pretty sure my daughter's adoptive Mother worked outside of the home. I think it's a reality of the times we are living in. I know I have witnessed other adoptive Mom's dreading having to work but do it because they need the income.
Are people just too immature to see that their expectations might be too high? Are there any adoptive parents that had to decline a birthmother because she expected the stay at home Mom and it wasn't possible for you? Maybe, immature isn't the right word. People haven't lived life yet. Is it possible that they have a dream and the reality is that most people don't get it that good. Does it make you less of a parent if your a working Mom?
And to the birthparents, circumstances change all the time. If you choose adoption because you firmly believe that you want your child not to be with babysitters how will that make you feel if the adoptive parents for one reason another need to have both parents working?
I am throwing this stuff out there because if anyone considering adoption come here, I would want them to ask themselves these questions.
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