I had a really hard winter and for the first time since I started losing weight I have to admit that I had a slip up where I allowed myself to get off my game and gain about 10 to 15 pounds. I am determined that I will get that weight off by doing what I know what works for me.. It's such a huge pain in the ass though. But I refuse to let all my hard work go to waste..

I am trying not to weigh myself everyday anymore. I don't think it's a healthy way to start every single day. I aim to do it 2 to 3 times a week. I am satisfied with that amount. I never want to not weigh myself and really slip up bad. I refuse to live in denial.

I have my workout routine pretty solid. I mostly go to the YMCA for body combat and body pump.. There are a couple days of the week I have to cut the class short but I squeeze my workout in where I can get them in. I don't do it for anyone but myself. I don't feel good if I don't get them in.

I have to get better control of my eating habits. They are not super horrible but I need to get more serious about the logging of my calories and that is so much work.. It's a huge project to know how many calories are in a meal that the whole family is eating. I have done it before so I can do it again.

I know some people look at fat people and judge them. I try not to be that way. One never knows what kind of life they have lived to get to that point or where they are at in life in general. I am a little bit of a social butterfly. I talk to others and I am not afraid to open my mouth if I hear something that I can add to.

Today, this big woman weighed herself and said down the first 10 pounds. She was probably my starting weight or more. I don't guess well. I told her great work and told her a little bit about my story of how I lost the weight. I could really relate to her when she mentioned the food addictions. I told her how I did it slow and I just took one day at a time and got the weight off.. I mentioned some of my little tricks to avoid the mindless eating when not hungry. I reminded her that she didn't gain weight over night and won't lose it overnight. That's a lesson that anyone trying to lose weight really needs to hear.

I met another lady that asked me what workouts I do and when I mentioned running and how I ran a half marathon. She was pretty impressed. She said how she doesn't like to run but has done it some to cheer her friends on.

I most likely will being doing some runs.. I am most likely sadly admitting skipping the color run.. It's not that I don't wanna do it. I don't want to spend the money for a 5k run.. Plus, just not really sure I want to face that first race without someone waiting for me at the finish line.

I am going to sign up for a 8 mile trail one. It's a little cheaper and will have a greater sense of pride upon finishing it. I hope to do another half marathon too.. Although, I fear the trail run and the Biggest Loser Run will be really close in dates.

My Ex and I ended on such bad terms that we are no longer friends nor do we talk anymore. It's for the best for me. I can't speak for him. I have been following his blog because I can't help but be curious if he makes his trip or not. I wish him all the best. He has been gone for about two weeks now and it's kind of cool to see that he is actually making this bike trip. I thought I would share his blog with others to read. Go here.

It's the last I will mention him cause talking about him or my divorce isn't the direction for this blog.

Filbert

Meet Filbert! He is an aquatic turtle who has me trained. He wasn't looking too good in his 40 gallon tank. He wasn't eating at all. My boyfriend and I went to the pet store shortly after he moved in with me and we both chipped in money for a 75 gallon tank. He is loving having more room to swim and basking in his sun.

Your probably wondering how he has trained me. He decided he doesn't eat turtle pellets anymore. He mostly just eats cooked chicken. Yes. I cook chicken for the turtle. He has a couple gold fish that live with him and if he chases them then I run and get chicken. It's a good arrangement. My wish is to have a couple fat goldfish that share his tank.

I learned how to get the ads back on my blog so I am looking forward to getting earning money again by writing.

Hey all. Anyone still read this. I have a computer at home again so if the urge to write strikes you will hear from me. I don't know what direction this blog will really take though.

I don't have much more to add about adoption.. I think I have wrote all I can write about it without sounding like a broken record. Maybe I have finally found some peace.. as much peace as I feel possible for me.

My reunion with my daughter has sort of went sour.. We just don't have much more contact besides facebook these days.. I don't get to see her when she comes to town. She ignores my requests to see her. I have no choice to accept it for what it is. However, every since I canceled one facebook page and created another one.. i hear more from her on the new account.. I guess I just have to take what she is offering to give and be waiting for me if it ever comes. \

Due to divorce I lost my step daughter and grand daughter. It was pretty much my decision. I choose to walk away from all of my ex's family. I never felt like my relationship with my step daughter was real. My grand daughter was here with her Dad but as far as I know the plan is for her to go live with her Mom so easier to cut ties now.

I am still working on my fitness goals.. I have to admit I gained a few pounds during the winter and my divorce. I won't let this get me down. I know I can get the weight back off. I just got to put the work back into it. It's finally getting nice here. I hope to run a couple races this summer.

I am in a pretty happy place in my life right now. I will try to post more often.

Forgiveness

I don't get along with my Mom well.. It's not that we fight or anything.. but I seriously can't sit at a table with her without someone else.. The last time I did that I was so miserable. I said I would never do it again. It's odd that it felt that way because a few years ago we took a 12 hour road trip to see my sister in Tennessee.
I don't recall that being awkward or uncomfortable at all.. I suppose it could been the open road, travel anxiety and music that distracted me.

I don't know if forgiveness is the "elephant" in the room when I am alone with Mom. I honestly don't know if I can ever completely forgive her for her actions during my childhood and lastly the adoption of my daughter and how she handled it. I have never really had a conversation with her about my daughter. It has always been swept under the wrong. I know from my family that she will shut down if Izzy is mentioned to her.

Suppose some day I maybe ready to forgive her but today just isn't the day.

My happenings

Izzy was here in town remodeling a house that they got when her husband's parents died... I tried to see her but I was ignored.. I know they had a lot of their plate but it just stinks so bad. I just so badly want to be in her life and all I get his a facebook view of it.. sort of just being allowed to look thru the window but no really contact.

It's better than nothing I suppose. I just hope and pray some day there will be more to our relationship than passing by each other on facebook here and now.. I do have more interactions with her on there now that I closed my main account down and started a private one. I really believe she had me blocked.. well not me blocked but hid my status from her feed cause she was really out of the loop on my life the last time we met in person.

She was thrilled that I was divorcing my husband. I guess she never liked him.. most people have been thrilled with it.

My son had his day in court. She was rewarded full custody and he was given rights to visit but only under her supervision.. Better than nothing but why does it seem like my family is doomed to never have any girls in our lives? My son does have a new girlfriend but I haven't met her yet. She is the same age and had a young daughter herself. Hopefully she will be good for him.. My son moved out again about a month ago.

I got big news!!! I am in love again!!! My coworker and I hit it off.. My work and everybody knows about it and they were happy and even said they were hoping that would happen. I know it was fast but one can't control when and who you fall in love with. He really is an amazing guy. Can't wait to see what the future holds out for us.

What's up with me??

I can't believe it's been so long since I updated this blog. I enjoy writing and totally miss it. There has been a lot of changes going one little problem with blogging is that I don't have internet at home anymore.. I am finding that overall I don't miss it much. It's something I will want again sometime when I can afford it but for right now I am content with what I have.

Some changes in my life I am just not ready to speak of yet so I will leave that for another day.

Maybe you recall that my husband and I were planning a divorce coming up and he was going to leave in April.

Well, things got so ugly at my house and I know I am not an innocent party in that he decided to move sooner. He has been gone since Jan 16th and our divorce was final on the 19th. It's a huge relief to get that part of my life over with..

It was up in the air if we would part as friends but some recent events has made me want to cut him out of my life all the way. I will be turning off my normal facebook account and a friend is helping set up a private one for me.. Even though I won't accept a friend invite he still tags me in posts and seems to be following my where abouts.

Another huge thing going on is that my son has not been allowed to see his daughter. It really tugs at me heart. He moved in to my house late October and just about a month ago got a part time job. I don't believe he is trying to pay child support to her.. However, there is a court date coming up next month for support so I am hoping some visitation rights will also be be set up.

My relationship with my daughter is still just not what I wish it to be.. she did however finally give me her phone number after I told her I was getting rid of facebook which is mostly our only contact besides the occasional visit when she is in town.. I only get that if I ask for it. If I choose to let her come to me then it just doesn't happen.

I am still working full time. I am doing the best I can with making ends meet.. I am probably doing much better that expected. The only issue is that I have zero money for the unexpected.

I had to share half of my tax refund so luckily I got that in time to get my house payment paid after paying for a car repair. My goal is to start saving whatever I can so I don't have major problems.

Sorry it's been so long since I wrote and hope to update sooner.