daughter vs. birthdaughter or sister

My husband and I don't see eye to eye on most adoption related things.

When it comes to Izzy being a sister to my son's. I know my son's will have a much different reltionship than Izzy will have with them. They have different parents and did't grow up together. However, they are sister and brothers.

I just feel like that they all have lost so much that don't take that away from them. Don't make it as if they want to talk about Izzy that they shoudl refer to her as a birthsister. When you think about it isn't everyone a birthsister to their brother or sister?

To Izzy's credit, she has never once told me not to refer to her as "my daughter" We briefly spoke about it in writing and she told me she would feel the same way if she was in my shoes.

I know I didn't raise Izzy. I am not the Mom that was there every day. However, I thought about her daily. I wondered what she was like. Was she safe? Was she happy? I cried many tears of sadness due to just being in the dark. I would wonder if I ran into my own child would I know it's her? The truth is she looks so much like me I would think I would wonder if it's possible. However, I have seen other girls that reminded me of Izzy. Especially before we actually met in person.

One time at my son's school, I seen this girl that really made me wonder was I face to face with my daughter and we don't know each other? I listened in to hear her name cause I just didn't know.

Izzy hadn't agreed to meet me yet and I didn't want to have an accidental meeting for her sake.

Then there is this zumba instructor that reminds me of Izzy and me. I don't know if it's just me but the girl looks like she could fit in our family. I wonder if this the sort of thing that drives adoptees crazy? Staring at someone's face and wondering is it possible they are my mother? my father? My sister? My brother? Or some other distant relative?

Back to the daughter compared to birthdaughter question thing. It's the same thing. I lost so much don't take my right to call her "my daughter" away from me. I see no reason to say "birthdaughter" I don't mean any offence for birthparents that choose to call thier child in that way. Maybe, if I had raised another daughter I might say it to make the difference between placed child and raised child. But I really don't think so.

When it's Izzy's birthday.. I proudly search out the cards that are addressed to my daughter. They don't really make cards that say birthdaughter. I choose them carefully so the card is talking as if I did the hard work.

I suppose the whole child growing up and not knowing they had a sister could make things hard and it might be easier for a child to call her his birthsister or not admit to having a sister.

Alex will tell others he has a sister but Stephen doesn't really do that. Maybe, it has something to do with me telling him to shhhh we don't everyone Mommy gave away your sister. That was before we ever had contact.

I have decided to slow down on the zumba by a little bit. I don't have any clear set plans on if I will go back to my typical average of 3 to 4 times a week.

As of right now, I have decided not to do zumba on Saturday and Sunday both. My plan is to do it on Saturday morning but leave Sunday for more relaxing time. I hope to walk my dog more. I have already been doing that.

I hope to add more swimming to my routine. I am excited to try Aqua Zumba at this place called The Rock. The good part is that they have an hot tub and if you pay the five to get in then you get the use of the whole place. I can't wait to give it a try. I would switch gyms but I like all the YMCA has to offer for families.

I actually met a lady that lives a few streets over because she stopped me cause she seen me walking. She asked if I walked daily and I said no but I do zumba and she got all excited and we exhanged information and she said she would like to try it.


I was a little nervous about the can I ride with you question. LOL Hope she isn't a serial killer. However, I am such a zumba freak and love to share the craze I will risk fighting off a murderer. HAHA

Today, I sent her a text to see if she wanted to walk. We walked about 30 minutes and unless she is packing weapons I think I can take her. She appears to be much older. I am not sure if she understands what she is going herself into. Zumba Fitness Rush - Xbox 360 Kinect - Kinect Games & Accessories (Google Affiliate Ad)

And the truth will set you free...

I love the movie Liar Liar and just had to steal that line. I haven't wanted to write about the job issue with Alex because I am just not sure what to do with Alex.

A couple days before we suspected something was up with his job he fell and broke a tooth on the carts. He explained people were getting fired around the 90 day mark and then came up with that he was sent home due to him not reporting his fall.

When my husband pushed for them to tell him where to go get the tooth fixed since it was work related he came clean that he was fired for being late.

Only in this case the truth isn't going to set him free. It puts him in the hot seat.

He didn't take the job serious. He never bought himself another pair of pants to help assure he had a clean uniform. He didn't make sure he got a decent nights sleep if he worked a morning shift. On a few occasions, we woke him up when we noticed he should have already left. My son acted like this just wasn't a big deal.

My son didn't pay his phone bill and today he should have gotten his last check.

We really don't have any plans. The only plan is to shut him off the internet if his phone isn't on tomorrow. We expect for him to get another job but at what point do you kick your child out? In 20 days, he will be grown. It's not that I am out to charge him an crazy amount for rent. However, I do feel as a newly grown up that he as long with everyone else has a responsbility in our house.

He is rarely home for meals. So much that when the other day he popped in and out and we were wondering what to do because we didn't cook enough chicken wings for a 4th person.

I refuse to support his partying days.

Speaking of support. My ex's new job received my paperwork and already took half of one payment from his weekly check.

Click on my ad's!!! LOL

Hot off the press

Alex has lost his job! Bonus: His phone is shut off!! It's a prepay and he didn't pay it. We don't know any details yet because he has hid from us. There wasn't any contact from Friday to Sunday morning.

My son did hint around the fact that the grocery store hired new people and rumor was they let ya go at the 90 day mark. We don't know if that was a way to ease us into it because he hasn't returned to works since.

I don't know how we are going to handle this. Truth be told. If he is going to live with me as an adult I need help getting the house payment paid. We never talked about charging him more than the 40 a week assuming he earned 40 hours and the minimum we were going to ask for was 20 a week.

make over

One thing that I wanted to get out of the retreat was to get some makeup tips from one of the Mom's that I hung out with last year. I like makeup and want to wear it but just felt clueless. It was suggested that I bring some and my sister helped pick some out.

Make up is expensive and thats probably another reason that I am not very experienced with it. I did have kids young and when your buying kid stuff first make up is the last thing on the mind.

I learned a few things. I need a concealer for the dark circles under my eyes. I havent bought any yet cause it's my broke week from taking time off. She also suggested purple eye liner and I havent picked it up yet.

I did get somewhat expensive eye shadow and lip gloss so for the most part it is staying on. I put it on most days and dont feel as experiences but maybe with more practice.

The apron I am wearing is part of the recipe for sucess theme they had going on for us. We had to pick up a pattern and this really nice lady sewed the pattern on to the basic white apron. We then got to decorate them. Some of us did both sides but I just stuck with the butterfly side.

I think this picture makes me look bigger but oh well.

A recipe for sucess

A recipe for sucess was the theme for the retreat that I went to this past weekend.

We were all asked to email a recipe and they were all printed out and shareed with others. It's kind of neat because I have been into cooking new meals. I been slacking a little bit because I been feeling burned out.

My biggest mistake going into the retreat is thinking that it would be the same. It really wasn't a big deal but now I know that the retreats can vary and it's okay. I figured we would have stuff from bed, bath and beyond on our bed. We didn't.

We had a pot, some herbs, a chocolate bar and an plain white apron that I would later learn was so we could decorate it. I will post pictures soon but for tonight I am too tired to deal with any of that.

The only other spot of the retreat that I was shocked that it was different was there wasn't any smores at the campfire lol

This was my second weekend retreat and I would have to say that even with the few things I mentioned different that the weekend was better than the first. I know it was hard to top it but it was.

I didn't have the nerves because I knew the Mom that I hung out with last year would be back plus I would see other faces that I am friends with either in real life as in seeing each other or we have connection on facebook.

I felt like facebook made the conversations flow even easier because we see a window into each other's life thru the internet that we otherwise wouldnt have seen.

This year, I didn't see the horses at the ranch. I really wanted to concentrate more on the talking to the other Mom's and the manicure. I missed out on it last year.

I was a little worried that I could possibly feel stretched as in not enough of me to go around to talk with all the Mom's but I didn't. Of course, I couldn't talk to every Mom but I did have enough of the few that I did speak to.

At one point, I found myself chatting with two Mom's about blogging and the subjected changed to adoption when I mention that I blog from the perspective of a Birthmom. It was ironic that all three of us were connected to adoption and not one of us were the same. Meaning one was adopted, one adopted children and of course I placed a child for adoption.

One Mom actually reads my blog and it was a little odd talking to someone in person who said, I remember when you wrote about that" ect. Giving the blog address to people in real life is stepping out of my comfort zone but that is cool cause it means steping more out of the closet.

The other Mom, the one who adopted, I shared my blog address and not sure if she has checked it out or not yet. Well, anyways, she had adopted several kids. I am not sure how many. She rocked at understanding the connection to the first family.

The end of the retreat is the white elephant gift exchange. One of my friends told me about her crazy gift and let's just say hemroid medication was just part of it. LOL I actually picked it and she asked why did I do that.. But she never told me what her package looked like.

The funnist thing is that some Mom close to be stole the crazy gift from me. I like to think that she took that so I could have the chance at a nice gift. LOL

I did get a couple frames, candle and some body wash and lotion. Much better.

I will try to post pictures of me wearing the apron and make up. One of the Mom's helped me with make up so I wanted my picture taken.

This blog post doesn't really do the weekend justice. It's really comforting to be around so many other strong Mom's that deal with special needs children day in and day out.

We get spoiled with massages, nails and little gifts. I really enjoyed the downtime of not being responsible for kids and not going to work. They had someone come do zumba so I got to still get an workout in.

This past week has been a hard one. My son had a really hard time coming home from his Dad's and cried that we are mean. He has these major meltdowns that I can't really tell how long they last. Probably not as long as they feel. He has taken to pounding his hand and now wants a hand brace cause his arm hurts.

Wednesday was my husband and mine anniversary and his kid's twins birthday. I got my feelings hurt when he told me that he was going to his son's house while I do zumba. He didn't think about birthday or it being our anniversary so it never occurred to him to invite me along.

Once he invited me, I felt like I was unwanted. I guess it's a self esteem issue for me. I hate feeling jealous. I don't know if any my emotions and tears came from watching October baby the night before.

We did go to his son's and celebrated the twins birthday and I had a nice time. I am glad I went. We didn't take Stephen since we didn't think kids would be there. We asked my sister to watch him and my son had a little hard time with it. I think it's been years since we used a babysitter.

I have been taking it easy. I feel so burned out that I just haven't had it in me to do zumba. I worked all day and evening on Thursday and today (friday) after Stephen left for school I went back to bed.

Then, we went down to the court house to get child support coming out of their father's checks again. He said he would do it on his own but then told me to do it.

The rest of the day, I just took it easy besides taking a 30 minute walk through the woods with my dog.

I hope to get to the Y tomorrow and do zumba. I might have to rethink my 3 to 4 times a week to 2 to 3 times a week.