It's only been a few days since I mailed the letter. The waiting is very hard. I know the mail system enough to say that they received it Saturday or today. I wonder what they are thinking? Are they shocked that I wrote again? Do they feel like selling the house and running away? Are they scared? If they could read this, I would tell them that I don't plan on taking Izzy by the hand and bringing her to my home. You are her parents, but please remember how Izzy came to be your daughter. I am not asking for the world,but only a small part of your world. I know the official wait time really starts now. What time frame should I operate my mind on? I am thinking if they stamp return to sender, I will get the letter back in a few days. If it doesn't come back. I can figure they brought it in to read it or throw it away. So if it doesn't come back to me what time frame would most people say to give up.. they didn't write back. It took me a week and half to decide, write, rewrite and include pictures and mail it. So if I double that time. I am guessing that if I don't get anything within three weeks then they won't write. Do they really have that in them to ignore me, even after I said please respond back? If they can do that then what kind of people are they? I even said, I would accept a rejection letter much better than no answer at all.
I went to a new counselor today, because the other one was laid off. I was suppose to go last week, but had my days mixed up. I thought it would be weird starting over, but she had enough notes and made me feel welcome.
We talked for about two hours. She was real supportive of me sending the letter and understands how I need the answer so I know where I stand.
We talked a lot of about my son and his requests for wanting to see what Izzy looks like. She said I should trust my gut that it's not a good idea for him to walk around with a image of Izzy. That we don't know what Izzy knows or how she feels. That we need to protect Izzy's identity and her feelings. She says that I can validate my son's feeling and tell him that I am happy that he cares but at this point, it's better he not know for sure what she looks like. She said that teenagers aren't mature enough to always see the connection. She thinks if he sees someone that looks like me that if he is given the information first that he is more likely to come to see for advice before he acts.
We also talked a lot about my husband, my mom, my aunt and the rest of the family. She can see how a lot of people broke my trust and then forced me to live a life of lies. Now she can see that I am still living the life of lies by habit. I don't know anything else.
Well this is getting long and not sure if I make any sense. It's a good thing I am on Spring break from college and also pretty soon I am taking a vacation from work.