Should I let my son move in with his father?

Is what someone googled and found my blog.

NO!! NO!! Don't do that!! NO WAY!!

If your son is going to his fathers twice a month for 48 hours the chances are that the child and father have a disney land relationship. Father doesn't push bedtimes because he only see's the child four days out of the month. Father probably has the spare income to do "fun" things because he probably only pays 20% of his income in support and doesn't feed and cloth the child all the rest of the days of the month.

Don't get me wrong. I could be off here and maybe some parents who children don't live with them are spending more than two days a week and doesn't do disneyland parenting style but chances are more do than don't.

If a child is requesting to live with the parent that doesn't take care of them the majority of the time.. chances are they think the grass is grenner on the other side and veiw "mom" as mean and wants to get away from her. Truth is that they just think it's all fun and games at the other house.

I have blogged a lot about our struggles and my son hasn't grown up very well due to the move to his Dad's place. His Dad treated him more like a room mate than father and child.

I learned the hard way. No!!!!

My Mom was at our house for Christmas and I am wondering what she thought of Izzy's pictures being plastered all over my kitchen. At one point I seen her looking at the big picture frame so I am pretty sure she seen Izzy. I don't suppose I will ever know her true feelings about her since it's not a subject either of us is willing to bring up. Yep. It's just a superficial relationship at best. I can accept that at the moment. Maybe someday there will be hope for a deeper relationship but for the moment I am not holding my breath.

Christmas recap

Christmas went pretty well at my house. We did gifts in the morning. I got gifts from both of my sons. One got my huge water bottle for working out and I love it. The other son got me fuzzy socks! I love them too.

I toned down the gifts I got Alex down quite a bit. I spent about half as much and Stephen had more gifts than Alex. I had a goal of the most I would spend and didn't get to the goal. I found a couple great deals and didn't see the need to keep on spending.

If Alex didn't appreaciate my gifts hopefully after he went to his Dad's and got a tshirt for Christmas he did a little more. His brother got a nerf gun. Dad hasn't been one to keep up the tradtion of Christmas morning with a tree full of gifts. I was a little surprised that Alex wasn't more bothered by it. However, one of the gifts I got him was a nerf gun so he was running around here with two nert guns and glasses that are for night vision. It created quite a funny image. I took a pic and will have to try to post it sometime.

We had family over for Christmas dinner and that went pretty well. My Mom was here. Now, I have seen her twice in the past month. It might be a new record. My Mom hasn't really given me gifts in years. I was shocked when she came over with a handfull of gifts. Mine was labled to family and I really thought I was going to find hard cookies that she brings every year. No offence to those that make hard cookies but I like mine soft. LOL I seen a card and my first reaction was she wrapped a card in a box. LOL Well, it was a 100 bucks for my family. Totally unexpected but nice.

This Christmas I have felt overly blessed with the amount of money and gifts that I was given. Number one. Is that Izzy shipped me a gift and it arrived on Christmas eve. I was given 100 dollars from one client's family and a twenty dollar gift card from another client's family. My work gave us all a bonus and it resulted in an 80 dollar bonus. It helped me put the finishing touches on Christmas at my house.

Today, I went out to spend my Christmas money. I took my son along because he had a gift card from his other Grandma. While I was at the game store I asked about the wii fit board and it was affordable enough for me to get one. Little did I know I had to buy a game too though. Good thing it was only a dollar.

My last stop was to go shopping for new bras. I been having a hard time feeling like I have the fit and about a month ago I was measured and found to be wearing the wrong size. At first I was sad cause Victoria Secret doesn't cover them in that size and I thought I am never going to ever really be able to get bras as in cute bras. They told me about this other store and the average price was 40 bucks and I couldn't buy them. However, when I looked online this week I noticed they had a sale buy two get two free. So, with my Christmas money I got 4 new fancy bras, wii fitness board and game.

Also, my sister bought me a heart moniter to aid me in my weight loss. It's something I been thinking about and wasn't sure if I was anal enough to actually be that petty about calories.

I can't forget that my bonus daughter gave us a gift card for a fancy place to eat. It's right on the fence if it's something we can afford to eat at or not. I been there once with a friend and it's one of those places where you might as well order dinner food because to eat lunch light your going to be spending quite a bit for that bite to eat.

I was talking to my husband how the children's father is running around with an expensive dork cord and an expensive hand held gaming system and how he didn't really put any effort on Christmas gifts for the kids. I thought about how I put off buying the bras and other things that I wanted or needed to provide Christmas presents for my kids and the few other people I buy for. It's intereting how my needs and wants to got met. The only thing I sort of need to work on getting is new pj's because mine are 2x and I probably can so size large now. The only thing that I can think of is that Karma took care of me.

I took a couple days off from dieting to eat Christmas sweets. Today was the first day back to eating right. I am aiming to get to 45 lbs lost before we go out to eat. Just a little way to motivate myself.

Christmas photos again.

These baskets on the ones I made for a few of the women in my life. The little basket was for my son's girlfriend. It wasn't planned but I had picked up a tiny basket in hoping I could send it to Izzy but it wouldn't fit in the box. I picked up a small bath and body lotion kit, put an apple in it and a few pieces of candy.

The other baskets are my sister's and my step daughter's Christmas gift. I made my sister a coffee cup with photos of her cat and it was a big hit. My stepdaugther seemed to love hers too. It was more of a basket for pamerping herself. It had a kit for your feet to get rid of the dry skin, lotion. Plus it has finger nail polish, candle and candy.

Christmas photos

These baskets are what I made my sons for Christmas. I got the idea to make them a basket full of goodies from seeing an overpriced basket at the grocery store. This was pretty inexpensive. I found the baskets at the thrift store for a buck each. In total, I made five baskets but thought I would show the others off an another day.

Christmas eve!!

It's been a busy day! Luckily I didn't have to do any last minute Christmas shopping so that's a relief. I didn't even have to do much wrapping.

I did make one pie, fudge, choclate chip cookies and peanut butter cookies. I am beat.

A gift Izzy sent me reached me today. My sister was here when I opened the box to find the gift wrap bag was tore. My sister wrapped the box for me so the surpise wasn't ruined for me.

I made baskets full of goodies for my two sons. I made a tiny basket for my son's girlfriend. It just had a cheapy bottle of lotion, body soap, an apple and a few candies.

I made baskets for my sister and my step daughter. My friend taught me how to made the baskets and I find it so fun to put them together. I will post pictures of them at another date.

I was pretty excited this Christmas that I didn't take any loans or use credit cards. (not that I have them) I can't say I didn't spend about my means cause it's not everyday that in one months time you spend X amount of dollars on a handful of people.

I even took more effort for little gifts for the stockings! Question: if your kids don't believe in Santa anymore.. do you still fill stockings for the tradition? My 12 year old is on the fense. I think my husband told him not to say Santa doesn't exsist. LOL

Another Question: How much does gift giving play out in your Christmas celebrations? For years I tried to buy for everyone and then went for a couple years only buying for my boys. With in the last few years I have started to buy for other people again. I can't tell you if reunion has made this change or it's just naturally started happening again that I make the effort to buy for others. I admit that if I know others are buying me gifts or even more so buy for my children then I am more likely to try to give a gift back. I also have a thing with being more likely to buy for other women if we have good relaitonships but if we don't then it's not something I stress about.

So I have bought for my two sons. My daughter and my bonus daughter. I got my husband a board game. We don't buy gifts for each other. I bought for my sister. I gave money to Stephen to buy for his three grandparents and uncle who will be at my house tomorrow.

I think a lot of it is that my little sister has taken it upon herself to buy gifts for everyone and that in turn makes me want to try to give gifts back.
Merry Christmas to everyone!!

pictures.

Call me weak or a pushover but I knew it was bugging Alex that he didn't have any money for Christmas shopping. I had been feeling stressed over a to do list I have given myself.

One was to fill the third of the way done big picture frame that my younger sister gave me for Christmas. I wanted her to see it done and was feeling stressed over finding the time to do it and other things.

I gave my son three chores and one was to fill the frame up with pictures. I had only done a third of the frame and gave my son hundreds of prints to choose from. My only request was to make sure he put up a couple of Izzy.

I came home to a beautifully done picture frame. He took our picture form our first face to face meeting and put it in the center. On the left was a baby picture of me and the right of the reunion picture was one of Izzy when she looked about 3 or so.

It was pefect. The funny thing that I think is blog worthy is that I wonder how many people have a framed picture of the same picture three times in their house? In the kitchen is already a frame picture of the reunion along side one of Izzy when she was a teen. In my living room is a glass photo thing my sister made of the reunion shot.

Tonight, Stephen is with his aunt shopping for gifts. It's been a tradition for the last few years that she takes him shopping with my money and she helps him wrap them and they usually get dinner too.

I been feeling a little guilty that I never started the same or simliar tradition with Alex over the years. Truth is that with him living 3 and half years with his Dad that I wasn't helping him form relatonships as I do with Stephen. My sister has been a great aunt for both kids but more so for Stephen. She has been there for this Christmas tradition. Also, when he needs a ride to REC night she is always willing if she isn't working.

Merry Christmas

Marry Christmas from my family to your family!!

These pictures were taking at the Breakfast with Santa event. My son's were the biggest kids there. Notice I still call my 18 year old a kid!! LOL In my eyes he will always be a kid. Being there felt a little weird as in my kids are growing up too fast. I had to do a lot of begging to get pictures with Santa.

Stephen doesn't believe in Santa anymore but Mom and Stepdad told him to sshhh so we will still play Santa. My Mom never quit filling my stocking until I moved out and then I no longer got a stocking full of goodies. This year I actually bought stuff for my husband's and my stocking. Stephen asked me if Santa was going to fill mine too. He loves spoiling him Momma.

My sister is taking him shopping soon so he can get his family members gifts. This year I am doing things different and sent their Dad a message saying that I can't afford to shop for his side of the family. I said they can drop off some money or his stepmom could pick him up. They went of stepmom taking him shopping so that's suppose to be tomorrow.

Well, better get to bed so I will wake up and do zumba. Then, Stephen is treating me to McDonald's from a gift card that he got from the church. I rarely eat there but it's burning a hole in his pocket.

The other day I was at A Christmas work party for my main job. I seen a co worker that I used to share a client with. It was my live in client. I haven't seen this co worker in a couple years because she quit but I thought she had came back because they announce the hiring of new people.

So when I seen her walk in I went over to her and said are You Debbie? She said yes and oh my god!!! She got up and hug me. She asked me did I ever have a chance to meet my daughter? I had totally forgotten that I told her about my daughter and the scrapbook I was making for her. I remember she gave me a digital camera because mine broke. It was nice to see someone who would ask and actually for me to be able to share the good news that I had reunited with my missing daughter.

Well, I better get ready for work. I just wanted to share how exciting it was for someone to remember me sharing my story and for over two years later that they would ask about it.

Uncomfortalbe conversations

I had a very hard time talking to my son about the job issue and me kicking him out in 4 months. I was very honest about how we need the income he could bring in with the small amount we talked about charging him. I was honest how my husband is giving me a hard time and how I am being bitched at for what he is or isn't doing and I am just plain tired of being bitched at. I was honest in telling him that his Dad hasn't paid child support on a regular basis.

I literlly started to cry because I am worried about him due to him not being able to take care of himself should anything happen to me or the reality of me having to follow through on my threat.

I told my son I would try to help him anyway possbible. My husband is going to take him to the unemployment office to see if there are any recourses he can take advantage of. They are going tomorrow.

I am going to try to get him a bus pass or ticket in the next week or so that way if he needs to explore outside of the neighborhood he can.

While I was at it for having weird conversations I did something else. It's been heavy on my mind that my son has a girlfriend.

I sent her a private message asking about birth control. I said I am not asking if your having sex with Alex but I need to know if you have birth control. She replied that she has been asking her Mom to take her to get some but so far hasn't.

I told her how I believe the health department gives free birth control and if she needed a ride I could help her out. I explained how I was a Mom young and don't want to watch them struggle. She seemed shocked that she could go without her Mom and I said I was pretty sure she could. I asked her to follow up on it and let's get working on it.

I told her how when I was 17 I went to look into birth control and I was pregnant with Alex. Also mentioned losing my first to adoption and I wouldn't want to see that happen to anyone.

I know birth control isn't all the women's responsability but honestly it was the easier one for me to bring up the subject.

recipe

Of course. It's simple! Ingredients: (You just ad them to your crock pot) 3 frozen chicken breasts, 1 can of low sodium black beans--or any variation of black beans. 1 can of fat free/low fat cream of chicken soup, frozen corn--as much or as little as you like. I used 1/2 bag. 1 can of enchilada sauce, 1 cup of shredded cheese (the recipe called for colby jack but I only had Mexican blend 2%) 1 1/2 cups of milk. We normally don't keep cow milk on hand--we used almond but you can use whatever! Salt and pepper--I only used pepper. That's it! I also added crushed red pepper flakes, minced garlic, and some cayenne pepper because I like the heat! Throw it all in your crock pot on 6 hours on low. My crock pot's settings only had 6 hours on high so I just did that but I think I will take it out an hour or so earlier.

I really didn't mean to post this recipe. Izzy had said something on facebook about a recipe she was trying so I asked for the recipe and cut and pasted it and meant to save it in an unpublished post. So, ya have a guest post from my daughter.

plans

My plan is tomorrow to set out of the house about 930 am with Alex and the gifts in the box that I got for Izzy and her fiance.

I got Izzy two matching candle holders and six candlee for them. She is also getting a pretty bath set that I got at Walgreens for a great deal. I got a gift for her and her fiance. It's a set of snoopy mugs and hot chocolate. I even picked up a five dollar stocking thing for her dogs. It's all gonna fit in the box but not with much room to kill.

The reason I am bringing my son is because I plan on taking him to the thrift store to try to find him some clothes that might look good for job unterview or even hunting as in asking about jobs. I am going to look into picking up a used coat and make sure he has gloves.

I plan on sitting down maybe with some lunch and telling him that he has four months from this date to have a job and pay rent or move out. I am nervous about this conversation cause sometimes things come out all wrong. I just can't afford to take care of his every needs. I really planned on his rent money giving me a little breating room. The amount my husband and I talked about was a minumin of 20 a week and a maxium of 40 a week. This was going to be based on his weekly pay check. If one week he had 32 hours he would pay 32 dollars. If he only worked ten hours he would still owes 20 dollars. It was hopefully going to be a reason to work.

I don't know what the future holds and not sure if I am ready for him not to live with me. It's that letting go part that is pulling at my heart strings when I really think of him moving out.

Right now my husband is so unhappy and pissed all the time. I get why he is upset on some of the things. He wakes up early and his favorite time of the day is our granddaughter's nap time. Alex disrespects that time by coming in and out and in and out. Also, by trying to talk to my husband while he is snoozing or reading a book.

My husband was really big on grownup time and certain times of the night kids don't wander thru the house and Alex comes and goes ect and there isn't adult time so much anymore.

Some of the areas I feel is petty is my husband feeling upset about Alex sharing his dinner with his GF. I guess tonight, while I was working, Alex ate half of his dinner and took the rest downstairs to his girlfriend. I find it's sort of cute and that's what my first husband did for me when we were teens.

I guess tonight Alex asked for chips and he doesn't really want to agree that he can eat the chips cause it's not his fault that he gave half of his dinner away and why should it cost him more money? I just find it petty. I figure at least he is asking instead of just taking which I thought was half of the battle.

Now, I get my husband being upset if Alex is going thru the cubbards after midnight when we all are in bed. My husband tends to be awake until at least midnight and is up at 6 am. He is a light sleeper and hears all the things going on in the kitchen.

I just hope I can get my message across without is all sounding about money and making him feel bad. I just want him to move forward with the next step of his life and that's taking care of himself.

If I treat Stephen to lunch or a movie or something else special I don't want to always feel like the bad guy not including Alex. Now if sometimes Alex had his own money it would be alright if he joined us.

Besides trying to round up some new gently used clothes for my son I plan on trying to do a couple other things to help him out. One is get him a pass for the bus. I firmly believe that jobs only come to those that hunt for them. As in checking in person and making yourself known. I am thinking about giving him one day a week for a few weeks where I would drive him to a couple places. I would probably have to cut back volunteering to do this. I don't mind trying to help him but he has to be willing to help himself too.

Wish me luck, I love my son very dearly and I feel like he is a good kid but could very easily end up with a crimminal record playing follow the leader with his friends.

One of our neighbors has implied that Alex lost his job for some kind of theft. I don't know how true that is or not.

Wish me luck and if you have any job hunting pointers send them my way.

working out.

I try to take Stephen to the gym with me at least once a week if he is done with his homework. There is this video bike that you can ride and post your ride to facebook for all to see. I try to warm up with riding anywhere from a mile to about three.

I recently set Stephen up so if he rides it his rides will post to facebook and he was resisting doing it.

Last night, I thought was a good night at the Y. I didn't find him sitting on the computers which is a sore post that I have with the Y.

My son told me on the way home how he rode the video bike and sounded like he played in the kids gym playing dodge ball with one of the classes that the Y has going on.

We get home at near bedtime and I had forgot my phone so I called my sister back and before I know it what I am hearing is a fight. It sounds like my husband was being a jerk cause it took him ten minutes to go one mile. I kept hearing how your Mom would beat you and my son was getting upset because we do not do the same track and I honestly believe he doesn't get the time as in beating but how could we beat one another if we are using different "games" on the bike.

I had to get off the phone to break off the arguement and get my son to bed. My husband was pissed because he was trying to say that his general message was my son could do better next time. My son was trying to say he couldn't do better.

I feel that if he isn't going to the gym and doesn't get that riding those bikes are not the easiest thing to do then don't comment on who could do better. I think last night I did about two and half miles in 9 minutes and I did break my last record of about 9 and half minutes. My husband actually asked me your not riding it really fast are you? As in riding the bike is a peice of cake! It's not a huge calorie burn but it does start you sweating like a pig.

I exploded after Stephen went to bed. I basically went off cause all he does is bitch and nag. It doesn't end when I go to work. I still get the bitchy messages. I aplogized for not having perfect children. I aplogzied that he doesn't have a life outside of this house.

He was basically trying to say that since Stephen tends to try to hide homework that he doesn't trust him with telling the truth about working out.

I go to the Y and I spend at least an hour working out and often times it's an hour and half. Then I shower and get dressed that takes me another half hour. I don't expect Stephen to work out hard core. Almost anything is better than him sitting in front of the tv at home. In the time hopefully gets some exersice in but also just interacts with other kids and adults at the Y is what I like him to do.

He is 5'3 and weights 148 lbs. He used to be at 150 and has dropped the two pounds and we haven't seen a gain in at least nine months.

Date night

My husband and I went to dinner at a place that we haven't been to in a while. They changed locations and had a special on Tuesday night.

We made Alex babysit and cook a simple dinner. This is something that I have to work on with both my husband and Alex. My husband isn't thrilled with leaving him here and also afraid if Alex was angry he would take it out of Stephen.

However, we left after homework was done and got here before bedtime so it would be less behavior issues from Stephen.

Alex wanted to cook tacos but my husband made him do just hot dogs and chips for safety reasons and less clean up.

We had a pretty good dinner but wish we could have left the talk about Alex at home. I get enough of that. One major issue we are concerned about is Alex's not being able to grasp that as part of this family he has to help out with chores ect.

One major issue that we have to deal with asap that my husband brought up is that Alex is walking around in 30 degree weather in a light jacket. It's dangerous temps to not be covered and warmly dressed.

My husband says he knows of a place where when one is in need that you can just go pick up a coat from one that is donanted. I don't know how I feel about that. I always know people collect coats for those in need but never knew how people go about getting one. Also, Alex does have a coat not sure why he hasn't been wearing it.

I figure I could afford to pick up a used coat but not really a brand new one but I get the speech how much do we do for this kid when he isn't willing to help himself?

I have completed my Christmas shopping for Izzy and have done a tiny bit for Stephen. I was given a cute little blanket from the nursery that I volunteer from and I was wrapping it when I guess Alex asked my husband what I was doing. I guess my son implied that he couldn't go find me cause I was wrapping gifts.

Basically my husband told him don't worry cause he and himself were not getting gifts. At the moment I haven't bought Alex anything yet but I do plan too. I just think that comment was so mean even if it was made in a joking manner.

I think Alex is just having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he is grown and all the stuff that comes along with it.

I figure since he is 18 and has had a bad track record of his belongings disappearing that his gifts compared to past years will be less. I will spend less money and nothing fancy. I haven't totally decided yet. But I am thinking gift card for the movies, maybe a small one for a fast food place and maybe some practical things that he needs.

I do have the issue of their father not working for two weeks so as of right now he is two weeks behind in child support. I figure that the next time he pays he will pay less due to the only child he has to pay for now is Stephen.

I will be taking him to court soon. I plan on filing for redermination of child support and asking for the back support to be paid.

Question: How do you shop for your children if they are grown? Personaly my Mother gave me dishes before I even moved so the presents got less fun and more practical in those last couple years at home. It's been at least five years since either of my parents bought me a gift.

I think as the older our grown children get the less that a parent would buy them. I look at it this way.. they might have kids and Christms presents is more for kids. I try to buy for all my kids even though they are grown. It's just on a much smaller scale.

I made a wreath for the first time. I actually have never owned one but I remember last year how some of the residents at the nursing home were making wreathes and thought it looked pretty easy.

Visit with my Mom

It had been almost a year since I last seen my Mom. Even with all our differences and all the crap that has gone down it just doesn't sit well with me that we went a whole year without talking or seeing each other.

The last time I had seen her was on Christmas. With Christmas coming and it being at my house I didn't want to wait until Christmas to see her.

I asked my little sister who see's her on somewhat of a normal basis to arrange a time where we could all go to lunch. I can't imagine being alone with my Mom. How dumb does that sound? I am serious though. I don't want to be alone with her.

We all met for lunch. My Mom was shocked at how much weight I have lost and it was the first thing she said to me. Lunch went pretty well. Conversation flowed much easier than I thought it would considering I haven't seen her in such a long time.

Not a whole lot has changed besides me being smaller and my Mom growing her hair out long. I did end up spending some time alone with her due to my sister having some tummy problems.

The conversation did go smoothly but it's all superficial. Meaning there isn't really a Mother daughter relationship between the two of us. It just occurred to me tonight. I am 36 years of age. Meaning I haven't lived at home for 18 years. That is the same number of years that I lived under her roof.

I don't know where this lunch visit and Christmas dinner that she will most likely be at take us. I can't say I have forgiven her but no matter what she is still my Mom.

However, it's funny how I refuse to see or be around my aunt that knew Izzy's parents and promised things to a 15 year old that she had no business promising. Also, hung with my daughter's Mom and my daughter never knew she was related.

I can't forgive her nor do I have any desire to see her or fix anything. Matter of fact I have day dreamed about her dying and me posting on Facebook "dingdong the witch is dead" haha go ahead laugh. You know it's funny.

After lunch my sister and I went and worked out. I was afriad that the stress of the visit would cause me to want to eat poorly and I wanted to try to burn off the stress by working out and not eating.

Honest though, I didn't feel stressed but still wanted to work off some of that lunch at the restaurant.

Christmas is extra important to my sister and myself this year due to her going away to college and not being sure if she would make it back here while she is away.

It's going to be weird with me being the only daughter left in the city we grew up. It will just be me and my brother and my parents.

Questions

A couple weeks ago, with only a days notice, my best friend's Mother called me and invited me to a surprize party. I said I could come and then she just blurted can you give me 25 dollars. I was shocked and told her I didn't know if I had it and if I did I would bring it. She told me she was trying to get a stripper.

I didn't bring cash but wrote a check for twenty. Overall, I don't mind helping with the party but didn't like how she did it. There wasn't a stripper and turns out she asked other friends of my best friend.

This isn't how my friend puts a party together. She would never dream to ask you for money. She might ask you to bring ice, soda or a desert if you could.

Question: Do I tell my friend? Or keep it to myself? My friend is always buying my lunch ect so it's not the money but the way the Mom went about it.

Another question: Alex has a gf and has her over a few times a week. Often times during dinner and we feel put on the spot. I got on him for inviting her to eat pizza with us without asking us first. Tonight, she ate the dinner my husband cooked.

We buy dinner to feed at least 4 to 5 people but 5 is pushing it. We used to use the leftovers for my lunch or my husband's lunch.

Question: For those with older teens. Do you feed your children's gf/bf or friends?

Last question. I am doing my Christmas shopping and within the next week I will be sendng Izzy Christmas gifts. I am scaling it down quite a bit since money is tight.

Question: Do I send a gift for her fiance?

Volunteering

I ended up taking a couple weeks off of volunteering due to picking to free up my Monday cause I thought I had plans with my friend but turned out that her birthday plans fell through so that left me free to spend the few hours with Izzy.

I had signed up to volunteer the day after Thanksgiving but they didn't have kids so no one was working. The next Monday I wasn't feeling so well so my well intended plans to call them and come in didn't happen.

I did call later in the week and choose hours for the past Monday. I only signed up for 2 hours due to time seeming a problem for me.

There were two girls there when I arrived and they are sisters. I got to hold a baby and she slept in my arms. It's so sweet. When the Mom came to pick the kids up she carried the baby on her back and tied a blanket around herself. They said that's how African Mom's tend to carry their children. She didn't say Afrian American or Black but just African and the person who said it was black so not sure if there is a difference. Sorry if this sounds like I am ignorant or putting too much focus on race. I thought it was pretty cool.

After the children left with their Mom I was given the choice of cleaning up the mess from lunch or putting diapers and food away. I chose to put the diapers away due to it being a lot of stair climbing and could use the exersice.

I took a partial picture of the attic. Have you ever seen so many diapers? They use them for the babies but also help families out when they have a need. Up in the attic they had lot of supplies including gifts that they give for holidays and birthdays.

The other two pictures are rooms that I just took a quick shot of. I love this whole set up of this house and know I can't take pictures of kids so I thought part of the house would be second best.

The two bedrooms are upstairs. One is an infant room and the other is a toddler room or big kid room. They take kids up until they're 7th birthday. The bedrooms don't get used much. Basically only for overnights. I guess accourding to heatlh department rules if a child so much as sits on a bed they have to change all the sheets and bedding.

Cooking lessons

To give my son a job and teach him how to prepare meals every night my son is cooking dinner with our direction to show him how it's done.
Tonight was the first night that I have been home to supervise it. The other nights my husband was here. We just made backed fish from a box, augratin potatoes and brocolli.

My son kept going back to his room and then having to be called upstairs to tend to dinner. He did it but not without being grouchy. I asked him who do you think has been preparing meals for you?

It's something we have come to terms with that when it comes to food with him it's anot all laziness. He just doesn't know how to cook.

So we will continue with teaching him how to cook and go from there.

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What I haven't admitted to with my 18 year old son is that my husband has refused to allow him a key. I didn't agree with it but at times I do because of a few reasons.

The reasonings would be that as of right now he has to be in by midnight or we lock him out. We don't want anyone coming in and out late at night and we get used to hearing noise and being at risk for break ins. My son isn't all that reliable for remembering to lock the doors. He has broken our trust on a couple times by having his friends (grown men) sleep in our house and even once I went out to the garage to find 3 men.

My husband isn't working and it's very rare that someone isn't home and communication can go a long way if keeping us informed of his comings and goings.

We were going to do the key thing when he turned 18 but with the job loss we haven't.

Another issue that we been dealing with is that my husband refused to let my son stay in our home if we are not home. I have been putting up with this even though I don't like it.

I don't like how it makes me feel as a Mom and I finally expressed how pissed it makes me. It's not that I don't think my son can go out with us or needs the push to go job hunting. It's just that I can't deal with treating my son as if he was the common neighbor we don't know.

I know my son is a cluz and have broke things and hasn't wanted to take responsability. I do get that but my son has never done anything that would really make me judge his charater as a person who would rob our household blind. This doesn't mean that I don't take precautions. I carry my purse in my room at night and I don't just leave cash laying everywhere.

I explained to my husband how sooner or later he is will have to find a job. My husband's unemployment ran out. There could be a time soon when we will have to leave him home alone so we can work. I asked what are you going to do. Stay home protecting our belongings and lose the house? I felt like he really thought about that and agrees that we won't be asking him to leave at everytime we leave.

He does admit that he will have an issue with him going out to work and me going to work and my son sits at home not bringing in any income.

According to my husband they have worked out some little deals. My son is to be cooking dinner with the help of lessons on how to cook during the week. If Stephen is gone to his Dad's then my husband isn't going to make any kind of effort to prepare meals. It would be up to Alex to find dinner in the kitchen.

My husband said he informed Alex that if I treat Stephen to McDonald's or something simliar don't assume your invited. This sounds harsh and it makes me feel bad. But if I treat Stephen to lunch or a movie for all his hard work in school and Alex tags along and isn't doing anything then it's just not a treat.

My husband did some reading about teens and I am hoping it softens his heart somewhat with how he treats my son. I feel like mistreating my child even though he is grown could really hurt my marriage and my feelings for my husband.