Dear Izzy

Someone that reads my blog suggested that I use this blog as a way to write letters to you. I think it's a good idea. So, I will start with I know your name isn't Izzy, but to share my story and not give out your name this is what I decided on.
Izzy is the name of a teddy bear that I gave my first husband. I hope you don't mind it's the name that I would have liked to name my oldest son had he been a girl.
I have been on vacation from work. I have loved it. I have got to spend some extra time with my boys. Finally this week, I can tell you that not only does my older son know about you, but so does my younger son. I am going to call my older son Alex and my younger son Steve on this blog.
Alex has known about you for a couple years now. It's not something that we have really discussed much, except for within the last six months or so. I am happy that discussing you doesn't have to be treated like a dark secret, but it's hard. I asked Will to make a page for your scrap book. I found some artwork of Steve's and asked if I could use it for the book and he said yes. So today I got the book out to add the artwork and Alex asked to see the book. I will be honest I am not comfortable sharing the book with anyone, but I did it. He was the first person to ever really flip through the pages. I think my husband was a little shocked and I just wanted to rip the book back. I am not at a point where I feel I can totally expose all my thoughts and feelings to him. Some of the notes I feel are for your eyes and not his.
I also had a discussion with Steve about you. It only lasted about five minutes. I was told that he brought you up before. I am guessing someone told him about you or he overheard someone talking. Steve didn't have too much to say. I am not sure he understands that while you are a sister to him, but you haven't been raised around him. The last thing he said was that he wants a kid sister. I know that you can't be a kid sister, but I really hope someday you can be a big sister to him. Well actually to both my boys. I am missing you a little extra tonight. I hope your safe in your bed. I love you babygirl.