Yesterday I was working and feeling a little down. Sometimes I feel like I am a trader, because I follow adoptive parents or soon to be adoptive parents blogs, I think I have grown a lot, because I do care about you guys. However I feel like I can't totally be 100% supportive of adoptions. Because I really truly understand the amount of grief Birth parents go through. I have two pictures of my daughter and I when I was in the hospital, and you would swear their was a death. I just looked terrible. I felt terrible too, I didn't know if I would be able to live apart from my daughter.

I do want to say that I understand that adoptions sometimes just have to happen. I am so happy that their are people like you all that I have been reading that are interested in open adoptions. However when I read that you as the parents agree to yearly visits.. I want to scream.. Why only yearly visits? How can anyone really form a relationship with their birth parent if they only see them once a year. I am not talking to anyone in mind here, just general.

While I am happy that more people seem to be open to open adoption and blogging about it. I am sure there is just as many people who won't accept anything less than a closed adoption. Then there are the people who will say what the expectant Mom needs to hear and then close it for no good reason. How come open agreements can't be held up in court.

I also wonder about the counseling that the birth parents get. Is it from the same agency that makes so much money off from adoption? How can that be really be for the birth parent? Do they really give the expectant parents advice on parenting and adoption? How can they not push more for adoption, because that is where they make the money?

Now to one agency's credit, I have received free counseling from them and I didn't even ever place a baby through them. However I don't feel like I was encouraged to go as often as I would have liked. I never pushed it, because I know funds are limited. The money to pay for the services comes from the state, and my counselor was just laid off from work. So now I have to decide to I want to start with someone new. I am thinking of going, but checking into if she could play the middle man between my husband and myself. Also I am wondering if I was a recent birth mother would the funds still be coming from the state? Isn't that part of the fees adoptive parents pay for?

So I am sad and I call home.. This is where I had to smile.
I call and My little son answers.
Little son.. Hello may I help you?
Me. Yes I would like to order a clean basement and I will pay 5.00
day before I asked him to clean it and I will pay him.
Little son: What what. I hear static I can't hear you
Me: I repeat Can you clean up the basement for Mommy
Little son: This call is being disconnected!
Then he hung up!!! The little stinker