Today, was my daughter's 24th birthday.. Birthdays have never been easy. It's much better than what it used to be.. but it's still like a dark cloud surrounding her birthday. I have never had birthday cake with my daughter on her birthday or cake in general.. I have given gifts but never seen her open gifts on her birthday. I have celebrated her birthday over meals.. howwever, our relationship just isn't what I would hope it to be.. I get little snip bits of information of her life thru facebook and if I am lucky see her once a year.. We tend to have one good visit.. one bad visit.. or maybe it's just how I see things. I notice a rift around her last birthday. Not sure what caused it or if it's all in my head. Last year, for the first time, I didn't send flowers to her on her birthday. Not sure if that bothered her or not. This year I didn't send flowers again but I gave her a nice plant in person.

My husband made a cake today for her birthday. I feel odd admitting we ate birthday cake on her birthday without her. I admit I ate way too much cake.


I am not extremely sad about her birthday. I have to accept things as they are right now. Maybe someday in the future it will be different for us.