Retreat count down

My retreat is around the corner. We leave Thursday morning. We wil pick up our rental car and then be on the road.

I been feeling excited but also a lot of anziety about it all.. the trip itself is a little scary... most of my fear is the retreat myself. Will I feel comfortable around others? Will I insult others with my lack of happiness with my reunion? Will the birthmom's who are very early in their grief trigger something deep inside of me that I have buried? Will I relive those early moments? Will I find a birthmom or two that I can connect with and hang with? Will I get lost in the town?

I have never been good about being open with my adoption loss and reunion.. I live with a lot of shame and guilt. It's much better than it used to be but still for the most part I keep adoption loss pretty private.

It doesn't help that I have been sick and putting my workouts on hold. I have tried to workout but then seemed to get sicker so right now it's all on hold. I have too much invested in the trip to cancel over a sickness.

I am thinking of bringing my scrapbook so other birthmom's can look at it and get ideas about making one.

I still am excited but just a little scared. I hope all my fears are proven false once I get there.