A few days ago, I got a message on Facebook asking me if I was Alex's Mom. I knew right away who it was. It was a friend of mine that I actually met a very long time ago in a chat room. We met up in person and had a friendship. Our friendship extended to our children being friends and so forth.

It really had been a long time since we lost contact with each other. So, long that I am no longer married to the same husband but married to someone else. So, long that, I am about 95% sure that I never even told her that I had a daughter. That would have been way before I was open to talking about being a birthmom. Plus, many of our get togethers were while we had children with us.

I believe the last time I have seen her was around her 3rd child's first birthday. That child is seven now.

We been communicating on facebook for the last few days and in a way it's like we never lost contact. However, I been trying to remember why we lost contact. Also, trying to decide what do I want out of this renewed friendship.

I think I remember her getting to become not a very reliable person. What I mean is that I don't recall her making a whole lot of effort in being friends. I have never been one to hold onto friends if I didn't think it was working for me. Even in middle school, when I didn't have friends there were times that I would accept being without friends than accepting the geeks or dealing with people that I just realized that I don't like.

Funny story coming here. I was in seventh grade and I became friends with this one girl and after hanging out with her day in and day out. I just didn't like her and didn't want to be around her. Not being very mature. I told my older sister that so and so said your a slut and a bitch! Well, that made my sister very ticked off and my sister was waiting to beat her up the next day when she followed me home. I didn't like the girl but I didn't want to see her get beat up. I had to fess up and tell my sister that I lied that I just didn't like her anymore.

One of the things this old/new friend said today reminded me of how I am so different. She said, she quit going to the Y because she didn't have anyone to go with. I know other people who will avoid doing something because they don't have anyone.

I almost started feeling down because I don't have my kids for the 4TH of July but then I turned it around and I went to the local pool. I was there for about 4 or so hours. I was able to swim and rest in peace. I was able to lay out on the chairs in peace. Sure, I kind of feel guilty for enjoying myself at the pool without my kids but I realized that I don't need other people to be happy. I can be just as happy on my own. That doesn't mean that I don't want friends and don't enjoy their company. I just think it's cause I can be okay with just me.