I don't know why I never done it before, but it felt good to express some of my thoughts and feelings on how I think adoption could be improved. It felt good to have a voice to express the injustice the system and my parents did to me. I think the saddest part is that we need a system to protect young women from their own parents. I don't know if I can ever really forgive them for what they did or didn't for me.
I tried my best to always use words like expectant Mom or Mom to be, because I believe the term "birthmother" shouldn't come into play until after the TPR's are signed. She needs to know that at any time during her pregnancy if she finds the will to parent then that is her baby and that is okay to do. I can only imagine that adoption workers see a lot of joy out of adoption but the key to remember is that their is a lot at stake here. Adoption loss doesn't just leave you. It's not like getting the flu or breaking your leg. Your whole life on what I felt like it was suppose to be like has changed. I should have three kids and yet I only have two. I should have experienced Motherhood to a daughter, but I didn't. It never goes away. The emotions may go up and down and maybe you can even try to forget that you had a kid, but sooner or later your going to fall on your face. I really don't think there is an escape for my pain. It's part of my life. I want it to go, but the hurt is so deep.
I want to thank each and every person who discussed this subject with. I may or may not agree with everything everyone said and the same the other way around, but for the most part, I think everyone kept the cool. Adoption is such a sensitive topic and it's easy for me to lose my temper, because I always feel like I am being judged. I feel that people in my life think that giving up a child to adoption is like giving up a dog. Get over it.
I won't go into details where or how, but I just found out someone that I used to see on a somewhat regular basis gave up a son 18 years ago. Wow! I never knew.
Lastly, I want to say that I know that there are good agency's and good adoptive parents out there. I don't ever want anyone to think that I think everyone is out to sneak a fast one on some poor unsuspecting girl. Thanks again for your input.
5 comments:
I'm sorry if you feel that people in your life seem to feel that your choice was as "simple" as giving up a dog. That would completely devalue that sacrifice that you've made.
Honestly if I felt that my birth mother "just got over it" about giving me up, I would be disappointed I suppose. I don't want my birth mother to be sad and crying and full of regrets, but I would like to think that she thinks of me on my birthday, and random times throughout the years. I certainly have thought about her on my birthdays, and say a silent "thank you" to her for her gift to me. I hope that somewhere in her heart she feels at peace with her decision to give me up, and knows that I truly appreciate her choice.
I'm sure somewhere out there your birth daughter thinks about you and wishes you well.
i wish more people woud think and talk about the subject more, i really enjoy your blog.
Well if anyone has any more questions feel free to ask me. I will answer them if I can.
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on adoption. I trust no one on the subject as much as I trust someone who has been there such as yourself. Thanks os much for sharing.
There are a lot of us out there speaking up. :) Glad to have found your blog. You are most certainly part of a sisterhood of women who are very misunderstood. Keep having the conversations. And don't feel like you have to have permission to disagree with other people. It is often hard for people to hear a view that contains more pain that they want to acknowledge. We just need to be respectful and be willing to listen and learn - ALL members of the triad.
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