It's been at least two months since I sent the second letter to Izzy's parents. I will never understand how they chose to deal with the letters. I can somewhat understand the first letter and ignoring it, but the second letter when it clearly said, "Please respond one way so that I know that you received my letter, that a rejection letter would be better than not knowing" I have accepted that I can't control their actions. I can only control me. I don't regret sending them. I can tell Izzy and my sons that I reached out twice. That out of respect and fear that I chose not to try writing a third time. So, with all that being said, I think I finally can say that I have peace with waiting. Waiting is all that birthmoms can really do. Izzy's 18th birthday is about four months away and I am not wishing the day to get here sooner. My first reason is that summer flies by fast enough and second reason is that Izzy's birthday's in the recent years tears me up very close to the beginning years. I suppose the 9/11 birthday has really increased my pain.

I am still working on the scrap book for Izzy. I get really bothered when I feel like I can't afford the supplies. The past few pages I worked on I didn't have the protective sheets to put them in the book. However, I found Walmart to have much better deals. Also, my husband still hasn't take care of our camera. I am going to try and just me a new digital down the road. I have to work really hard to fill the book of pictures of me and stuff that I like. Right now it's mostly of my kids, but I have found a little bit of a artist in me. I have drawn two flowers that have crisscrossed in the wind and used similar colors for the petals. I can't quite find the words to describe how or why I feel like the flowers belong in the book. I guess I am going at is that even though we are apart, I feel connected to her.

My husband had a medial ordeal that made him have to face his addiction to a serious problem. For his privacy I won't go further with it. We are getting along better, but I feel like a lot of that has to do with me acting different. I am no longer getting so pissed that I lose it. It doesn't mean that I am not pissed, but showing more respect and not holding a grudge. I feel like life is better, because the drama is lower, but I feel like it's just a quick fix. But, my husband is also doing things different. He is getting help for his addiction and actually cleaning again.