tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post5834555209336027504..comments2023-10-09T09:11:30.032-05:00Comments on birthmomtalks: bitchingbirthmothertalkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17690158739622745922noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-352960330660078932009-03-24T11:45:00.000-05:002009-03-24T11:45:00.000-05:00Who really knows what's going on in their heads, b...Who really knows what's going on in their heads, but a couple of thoughts spring to mind.<BR/><BR/>One is that they believe time has helped you "get over" the loss of your daughter, and they are therefore not really concerned about contact.<BR/><BR/>Another is that they may actually be open to contact at some point; perhaps not right now, given that they haven't responded to your letters, but in the future. It's possible they're observing how you make contact, and are deciding how to move forward.<BR/><BR/>Also, Izzy may be talking about her first family, and they may want to make it possible for Izzy to reconnect when she's older.<BR/><BR/>None of these may be correct, but I think they're all in the realm of possibility.<BR/><BR/>I'm hoping that they are opening up to the idea of meeting, slowly perhaps, but in time.Third Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06310395341252295955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-71214338248931547372009-03-20T15:30:00.000-05:002009-03-20T15:30:00.000-05:00I read all your posts, the day you post. I can't ...I read all your posts, the day you post. I can't seem to be able to comment very often. It sounds like joy has that same problem.....maybe look into it!?! Not that I am that insightful that you HAVE to hear what I have to say. Hehe!<BR/><BR/>I'm not an adoptive mom yet, but I came from a place where I completely feared the "brith family." It takes a lot of education and growth to see that not only is that assinine, but it also isn't the best thing for the child.<BR/><BR/>I think the hardest thing here is that you never talked about communication before hand, so now EVERYTHING is scary. <BR/><BR/>I do want to point out that reading your story makes me all the more confident in how far I personally have come on the open adoption spectrum. It is my very last wish in the world to have the person who brought my child(ren) in the world to feel the way you do. I hope it brings you some comfort to know you are touching people and teaching people!Brihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827049920771791750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-73610153976274845982009-03-19T21:34:00.000-05:002009-03-19T21:34:00.000-05:00Sometimes my comments don't go through so hoping t...Sometimes my comments don't go through so hoping this one does! I've been following your story for a couple weeks. I really hope you get some sort of response and soon. *HUGS* The wait must be unbearable and I'm sorry you are going through this living nightmare right now. My best wishes are with you!Joy@WDDCHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03709113785857792361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-8743666789759174362009-03-19T00:49:00.000-05:002009-03-19T00:49:00.000-05:00I preface my comment by stating that this is the f...I preface my comment by stating that this is the first entry I have read. Therefore, I may say something that conflicts with things you may have stated in the past, or I may reiterate something already said. <BR/><BR/>Oftentimes, adoptive parents are afraid. They are afraid that birth parents are going to appear and take something away from their relationship with their child. They are afraid that birth parents are going to stir up emotions that they are not equipped to handle. It is entirely possible that your daughter has no idea she was adopted. There are many reasons why adoptive parents get scared. These fears are valid just as your anger at the adoptive parents is. I like where Sarah was going with her explanation, but I have a different take. Rather than focus on the "legally binding" agreement that you made, regardless of whether you were educated/counseled properly or not, try to approach this from the angle that they may just be scared. Your daughter’s parents many not know how to handle your presence in their life. You may be the truth to a lie they have been evading. <BR/><BR/>With that said, I personally feel that it is in the best interest of the adopted child to have some link to their birth family as long as that link is not detrimental to their well-being. You probably know this, though, since you follow my blog! <BR/><BR/>I wish you the best. I hope the adoptive parents reach out to you as you have to them.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16434082380674339179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-65377272483876821602009-03-19T00:10:00.000-05:002009-03-19T00:10:00.000-05:00I read someone's blog where both sets of parents h...I read someone's blog where both sets of parents had agreed on their own, to make it an open adoption, even though legally it was a closed adoption.Personally, I dont believe the law is always moral, and in those situations, I'd (as an adoptive parent) do the moral and right thing, not the 'legal' one. ie. I'd be caring enough to at least communicate with you and answer your letters, stating my beliefs.Then again, I'd be on here night and day, trying to see things from my adoptive child's point of view, as well as the birthmom's, not hiding from the situation as it SEEMS they're doing. And I'd ask the adopted child again,if she wants to know you yet...And if she says no, I'd let you know that.but that's me, and I don't know what they're thinking.I wish they'd just open up so you KNOW!I'm really sorry for your pain. Extremely sorry. Because of this, I keep wondering, have they really asked her? Does she know her mom wants to meet her? Would it bother her to know? (Only they know her state of mind, and again, I wish they'd enlighten you)Titus 2 Thandihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04682041725252115845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-22957891441371742142009-03-18T18:16:00.000-05:002009-03-18T18:16:00.000-05:00Maybe they thought that you should be over it by n...Maybe they thought that you should be over it by now or you should have "forgotten".<BR/><BR/>Yeah.birthmom1986https://www.blogger.com/profile/04884516681289863182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-31989772038943061832009-03-18T13:02:00.000-05:002009-03-18T13:02:00.000-05:00I'm so sorry this has been so painful for you late...I'm so sorry this has been so painful for you lately. You asked for adoptive parent's opinions, so I will give mine.<BR/><BR/>You state in your blog header that this is a "closed" adoption. From your other posts, I gather you know of these people through the relationship they have/had with your aunt. My guess in them not responding to your requests is that legally, they agreed to a closed adoption, and they are expecting you to uphold your end of the agreement as well until your daughter is old enough for her to decide on her own.<BR/><BR/>I don't think it has anything to do with them being "stupid" or being worried about you "hunting them down." I think that the way the adoption occurred probably wasn't the best (just from what I've read here -- it doesn't sound as if they made sure you would receive counseling before and after placement, among many other things), but they are just doing what was agreed upon and is legally binding.<BR/><BR/>My wish for my own situation is to have an open adoption, just to avoid the sort of situation you're in now.<BR/><BR/>I recognize your anger and hurt and can try to sympathize with it, having never been in your shoes, but I also think you place a lot of those negative feelings on the adoptive parents, when it belongs squarely on those around you who had a responsibility to you as a minor to ensure that you were educated to make the best decision, received physical and emotional care, and were supported on an ongoing basis. The blame here isn't to be placed on the adoptive parents -- again, it sounds as if everyone agreed to a closed adoption. Maybe that isn't what you wanted, and if so, I think your anger and hurt should be directed at those who didn't educate you/support you/coerced you, rather than the family who is raising your little girl. Most likely they only know what they were told (again, only knowing your side of the story and not theirs) -- perhaps they were told that you were all for and had received all you needed to make the decision from both an education and emotional perspective.<BR/><BR/>Just my opinion. I hope this in no way hurts you, it is just another perspective in hopes that you will be able to seek out the healing you need in case you are unable to attain it from the adoptive parents.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07411342321147068117noreply@blogger.com