tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post3874398038124289644..comments2023-10-09T09:11:30.032-05:00Comments on birthmomtalks: birthmothertalkshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17690158739622745922noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-32874754830649489732009-10-18T15:45:47.562-05:002009-10-18T15:45:47.562-05:00fortunately i never had a failed match, but do agr...fortunately i never had a failed match, but do agree with your views on having this pregnant moms have access to speaking to people who have experienced the adoption process from all angles. i do know that with our licencee EVERYTHING before the boys were placed in our care was about our birthparents and making sure that they were taken care of on a physical and emotional level.Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14485061910044084617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-62262236046901927162009-10-17T22:34:34.217-05:002009-10-17T22:34:34.217-05:00Well, my situation is a little different and not e...Well, my situation is a little different and not exactly the norm because my son was 6 months when his birth mom placed him. She had tried getting all sorts of assistance to raise him herself and found that even with some limited family support and quite a bit of professional supports, she couldn't do it. She called up the adoption agency and told them to take her baby that same night. I honestly don't know what kind of counsel was offered but she had been thinking about it for a little bit of time beforehand and - from both her's and the social worker's story - she was determined by the point. <br /><br />She wanted to go to court the next day to terminate her rights but she didn't actually go until a week later, although I think that had more to do with that they couldn't get her in faster. My son was put into an agency foster home from the day she placed him until I picked him up. <br /><br />From my outside perspective, it seems that the agency has done a fantastic job of supporting her (I made a big fuss about it too). The social worker transports her to and from counseling (not sure if the counselor is independent of the agency though) and also provided her transportation so we could meet when we were down there. The social worker assigned to us also has a degree in counseling, which I think was very beneficial. <br /><br />My son's birth mom tells me that she likes her counselor, who has also encouraged her to try to re-establish contact with a previous child who was placed for adoption. She tells me she feels comfortable with this counselor and that she feels it helps. I have never met the counselor so I can't tell you what I think of her but I'm glad my son's birth mom likes her. <br /><br />I too think that the difference between good agencies (or attorneys) and bad ones are their birth parent support. And I too agree that there would be fewer failed matches if the birth parents are given appropriate counseling and assistance beforehand. It would save a lot of hurt on both ends. It always seemed like a good sign to me when agencies would tell me that at least half of the women who came to their agency ended up parenting.<br /><br />I had a failed match in March and I feel that a lack of support was largely to do with that. The attorney was almost 2 hours away from the expectant mother, although the expectant mother refused to see an attorney who lived in her city, so...it was a bad decision on both ends. It was a very complicated situation but I believe if someone had been seeing and talking to the expectant mother during the weeks and months leading up to the birth that it never would have gotten as far as it did (I flew out to Arizona only to find out that the expectant mom had changed her mind and the baby was put in foster care).<br /><br />But that is my perspective on things. You could ask my son's birth mom what she thinks and she may give you a totally different answer. Likewise for my failed match in March.Tammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06021169041622431205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6684198844095157210.post-19975385163908570022009-10-17T12:52:41.114-05:002009-10-17T12:52:41.114-05:00We went through an agency. Obviously I am on the ...We went through an agency. Obviously I am on the other side of things, but one thing really stood out to me.<br /><br />R was born before her birthparents made an adoption plan. It all happened so fast that our agency recommended that they wait another 48 hours and put R in a receiving home to make sure this was something they really wanted. They chose not to, but it stuck with me that the agency was pushing them for that. It made me feel good about the whole situation. <br /><br />Then again, we did go through a non-profit agency in hopes that there would be better counseling and stuff.Brihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827049920771791750noreply@blogger.com